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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27099661">Lucky To Have You</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/stxrdrifter/pseuds/stxrdrifter'>stxrdrifter</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>D&amp;Danganronpa AU [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Dangan Ronpa Another Episode: Ultra Despair Girls, Dangan Ronpa: Trigger Happy Havoc, New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing, Super Dangan Ronpa 2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Alternate Universe - No Despair, Alternate Universe - No Killing Game (Dangan Ronpa), Bi Toko Fukawa, Both previous tags are primarily present in Chapter 11, F/F, Homophobia, I don't want to tag the whole fic as Violence, I plan to add more as I write., Imaginary friend Genocide Jack, Internalized Homophobia, Keep an eye on the tags, Lesbian Komaru Naegi, Minor Violence, More tags to be added, Multi, Ultimate Komaru Naegi, as I'm tagging this Chapter 11 isn't even out, because it's only 1 chapter, but it can be pretty overwhelming, so :) get ready, so I'll put another CW there, theyre girlfriends your honor</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-09 04:20:31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>37,802</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27099661</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/stxrdrifter/pseuds/stxrdrifter</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Toko decides to branch out in her writing, and meets a new friend because of it.</p><p>Beta reading by Captain Crash, my friendly neighborhood gay who's never played a Danganronpa game in her life. I would be nothing without you.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Akamatsu Kaede/Shirogane Tsumugi, Fukawa Touko/Naegi Komaru, Ikusaba Mukuro/Kirigiri Kyoko, Mioda Ibuki/Tsumiki Mikan, Naegi Makoto/Togami Byakuya, Other Relationship Tags to Be Added</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>D&amp;Danganronpa AU [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1996783</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>46</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>143</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Stay Awake</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I may be obsessed with Johnny Manchild.</p>
    </blockquote><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>"Bitter drips of happiness, it overwhelms."</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>3 am. She hadn’t moved from her spot in the last 18 hours except to cook and consume cheap cup noodles she stockpiled from the corner store down the street. Her room was dark, lit only by her laptop screen and a small desk lamp next to it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her neck and back hurt. She couldn’t feel her legs due to the completely unhealthy position she was seated in, but she didn’t care. She was in the zone, writing line after line after line, pushing her word counts up and up. She’d written, edited, and finalized almost 6 chapters since she started. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Time and words continued to fly, until she finished her sixth chapter of the night. She copied and pasted it to her preferred fanfiction website, repressed her guilt for writing fanfiction instead of ‘</span>
  <em>
    <span>real literature</span>
  </em>
  <span>’, and pressed upload. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There we go!” She said as she stretched her arms, legs, and the rest of her tired body. She cracked and popped in many places before returning to her original position. She switched off of her writing tab to check her inbox. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>There were seven comments, all on the same piece, all from the same person, and all about ten minutes after each upload. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Ping!</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Eight.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Toko reeled in shock. She let out a yelp and almost spilled her tea on her computer. After collecting herself, taking a moment to breathe in, she hesitantly began to read the comments. </span>
</p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>
      <span>&gt; From Slowpokemaru on “Chapter 1”: </span>
    </em>
    <em>
      <span><br/>
</span>
    </em>
    <em>
      <span>This is so cute! I’m glad I’m not the only one who likes this ship! The way you write Amity is so good and feels closer to her character than anything else I’ve read. I look forward to seeing what else you write!</span>
    </em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>
      <span>&gt; From Slowpokemaru on “Chapter 2”:</span>
    </em>
    <em>
      <span><br/>
</span>
    </em>
    <em>
      <span>Wow! That was fast! I was honestly ready to sit by my computer for two weeks waiting for the update, but it came so quick! How does Luz not notice Amity’s obvious pining?? This is so good I’m already so invested :D Can’t wait for chapter 3 :)</span>
    </em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>
      <span>&gt; From Slowpokemaru on “Chapter 3”:</span>
    </em>
    <em>
      <span><br/>
</span>
    </em>
    <em>
      <span>Oh my god this is so cute I’m going to explode!!!!! How are you so good at writing these characters?! Your interpretation of Willow and Viney is stellar, and having the background Viney/Emira pining is so good!! I may be addicted to this fic already :3</span>
    </em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>
  <span>The comments were entirely of praise, and they kept continuing. Toko’s face felt hot at the excessive appreciation, she buried her head in her hands. A voice began to creep out from the back of her mind, saying that it was just a ruse, but she pushed it back as best as she could. She started from the first chapter and began replying to each comment.</span>
</p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>
      <span>&gt; From Kameko on “Chapter 1”:</span>
    </em>
    <em>
      <span><br/>
</span>
    </em>
    <em>
      <span>Thank you so much </span>
    </em>
    <em>
      <span>(o^▽^o) I don’t know why there aren’t more fics of this yet, these characters are so obviously in love. Glad you liked it (*^‿^*)</span>
    </em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>
  <span>She replied to all of the comments in record time. Deep down she thought they might be making fun of her, but for once she wanted to believe they might not be. She went to take a sip of her tea when her laptop pinged. She’d received a DM from the commenter.</span>
</p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>
      <span>&gt; From Slowpokemaru:</span>
    </em>
    <em>
      <span><br/>
</span>
    </em>
    <em>
      <span>Hi!! Thanks for your replies! I’m glad my comments made you happy. You’re right, Luz and Amity are absolutely in love and I don’t understand how more people don’t see that. I’m tired of the whole “gal pal” trope. </span>
    </em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>
      <span>&gt; From Kameko:</span>
    </em>
    <em>
      <span><br/>
</span>
    </em>
    <em>
      <span>Oh absolutely! The gal pal trope is annoying and I hate it. This is my first time writing WLW, so hopefully I did it justice for you (´｡• ᵕ •｡`) ♡</span>
    </em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>
  <span>Toko wretched internally at her texts, but she didn’t want to give away that it was her writing these fics. “It’s just practice, it means nothing. I’ll get new ideas for my next novel someday, but for now I have to keep my skills sharp,” she muttered to herself. She talked back and forth with Slowpokemaru (Or ‘Maru’ for short) until the sun began to stream through her curtains. Thankfully, she was a student of Hope’s Peak, so she didn’t actually have to be anywhere so long as she was “honing her talent” or whatever garbage the staff said. She closed her laptop and began to crawl into bed, when her phone pinged one final time.</span>
</p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>
      <span>&gt; From Slowpokemaru:</span>
    </em>
    <em>
      <span><br/>
</span>
    </em>
    <em>
      <span>Oh crap!! Sorry, I have to go to school!! It was nice talking to you for a bit, hopefully if I’m not too tired I’ll talk to you when I get home from school! I stayed up all night reading your works, so I’m sorry if I’m too sleepy to talk later. Goodbye friend!</span>
    </em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>
  <span>Friend. Toko felt her heart skip a beat. Then another. She almost thought she was having a heart attack until it caught up to itself. Her mind raced in every direction, trying to determine if Maru was serious or not about being her friend. She had to be lying, right? There’s no way anyone would want to be friends with her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She looked at the time. 7:43 am. She’d talked with Maru for almost three hours. Hopefully that meant something.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She fell asleep before she got the chance to reply.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>- - - - -</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Komaru wasn’t entirely confident she would make it through the day. She’d stayed up all night reading endless amounts of fanfiction after becoming obsessed with a new cartoon, and her eyelids were getting tired from the weight they were carrying. She couldn’t retain focus for the life of her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was hardly 11 am, and yet she’d fallen asleep twice so far. It was a miracle her teachers hadn’t noticed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She dragged herself through to lunch, making a beeline for the nearest vending machine to drop 500 yen on as much coffee as she could get. Her friends looked at her in disbelief.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Um… Naegi-chan? Since when do you drink coffee?” One such friend asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She forced herself to drink almost half the bottle in one swig. “Since I stayed up all night reading. I need to stay awake, and this is… my disgusting solution.” Komaru hadn’t had coffee until now and she did not like it. The bitter taste was not something she was fond of.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, I see. Um, what were you reading?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Komaru was beginning to feel like she had something on her face, because they were speaking like they were afraid of her. She peered for a window, and decided that she didn’t care how absolutely abhorrent her hair was. “It was… nothing.” Her friends didn’t need to know the specifics. “Just some random light novel I found online.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The girls chuckled. “Since when do you just read ‘some random light novel’?” One of them said. “Look, you seem really out of it today. Are you okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m fine, Takamaki-chan. Really. Thank you though.” She took another sip from her coffee and recoiled in bitter disgust. “You too, Niijima-chan.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>After getting over Komaru’s messy state, they returned to their normal conversations. Niijima spoke about some boy she was fawning over, and Takamaki began talking about her own crushes, and Komaru felt isolated. She had crushes, but she didn’t know if she could tell them. She hadn’t come to terms with being into girls yet.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The bell rang. The three said their goodbyes, and went to their separate classes. Komaru wasn’t falling asleep anymore, but the jittery, anxious, vibrating alternative was less than ideal and she’d almost preferred to be half asleep. Horrible handwriting aside, she was able to actually keep up now, which she saw as a pro.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sooner than she realized, the final bell tolled and she began her walk home. She checked her phone hoping to see a message from Kameko, but there was no response. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>She’s probably asleep,</span>
  </em>
  <span>” she thought to herself. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>She was writing those all night, after all.</span>
  </em>
  <span>” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mom! I’m home!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She put her bag in her room and went right for something to eat. All the caffeine she’d consumed had made her hungry. She pulled some instant noodles out of the cupboard and began cooking. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Downing her noodles in record time, she returned to her room and fell face first into her bed. Her exhaustion was catching up to her and the coffee was wearing off. She reached for something, anything to stimulate her mind and keep her awake so she wouldn’t have to fight with her sleep schedule.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her hand found her phone, and upon unlocking it she was still on the page from the morning. She noticed there were three new chapters.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Might as well, I suppose.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>- - - - -</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Heyyy Tokoooo! What’cha writing?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“N-none of your business.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Toko had taken her laptop to school to keep writing. She couldn’t deny she was just a little bit obsessed with this. It was an effortless kind of creativity, not needing to come up with characters or foils anymore, just letting her imagination flow through her hands onto the screen.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She did, however, deny her own feelings about her writing. She refused to admit, to herself or anyone else, that the feeling of writing two girls in a romantic setting like this made her feel a new kind of warmth.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Awwww, but Toko! I wanna read your new stuff! Please???” Asahina’s begging was simultaneously adorable and obnoxious. She slammed her laptop closed and let it lock itself. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Go right ahead, if you can guess my password.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Asahina pouted, and Toko smirked in response. She immediately gave up, and just sat next to Toko instead. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I wish you’d let me read your work, Toko. I want to support you, as a friend.” Toko winced at the remark. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Friend</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Once again. It had to be a lie, right? Why would anyone want to be friends with an ug— </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Toko, I know you’re in your own head again, but I really do think of you as my friend. You’re not the things you say you are, you’re more than that. You’re a beautifully talented friend.” Toko looked up at Asahina, and felt a tear welling up. The smile that greeted her was nothing but kind and honest. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She couldn’t help herself and hugged Asahina. “T-thank you, Aoi.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Anything for a friend, right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They remained there for a moment, Toko melting into the comfort, before Asahina’s phone buzzed on the table. Toko sat back in her chair and Asahina peeked at her phone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh crap, Sakura’s waiting for me. I’ve got to go, okay? I’ll see you tomorrow!” Asahina rushed out of the library, giving just a wave and a smile. Toko waved back, before returning her focus to her laptop.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, that was cute. Glad you’re finally believing in yourself, but you shouldn’t lie to a friend, Miss Morose.” A figure sat in the chair next to hers. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Quiet, Jack. I’ll tell her when I’m ready."</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>If this ending doesn't make sense, it'll be explained in the next chapter :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. In The Morning</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>"One more girl to kill it all away."</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I'm posting this at 11pm someone BETTER read it.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Genocide Jack. Or Jill, or Syo, Toko had a few names for her. The imaginary friend she couldn’t seem to get rid of.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Toko didn’t remember where the name even came from. Ever since she was young, she had Jack in the back of her mind, sometimes appearing before her (though only to her) as a more confident, cocky version of herself. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She didn’t hate Jack, but sometimes she was annoying.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Aww, come on! Let me live a little. I don’t get to talk to you much anymore,” Jack said. Her voice was raspy, almost like she’d smoked as many cigarettes as she could get her hands on, despite being an underaged and non-existent entity within the recesses of Toko’s mind.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not in the mood for you to drag me down, Jack.” Toko kept her voice low, hoping nobody would hear her talking to the air.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, fine,” The figment pouted. “I’m sorry I made fun of you for watching that show. Will you ever forgive me?” Her tone was insincere, but it wasn’t often Jack actually apologized for things. Toko pondered to herself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fine. What do you want?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I just want to talk is all. I don’t get to hang out in the real world very often. Ooh, what’s this?” Jack stood from her chair and grabbed a magazine off the table before sitting right back down, feet up on the table. “Damn, Junko still models? I didn’t think she’d have time with the project she’s been working on. She looks </span>
  <em>
    <span>hot</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well yeah, it’s her talent. And honestly? I don’t know if she can help herself. She’s an icon.” Toko peered over at the magazine on the table. “You’re right. She is hot.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Despite her disdain for Jack, Toko felt significantly more comfortable with her than with anyone else. She didn’t feel like she had to hide behind calling everyone ugly or assuming they thought that of her when the person she was with knew everything about her. It especially helped that she couldn’t go blabbing about everything off to someone else. She felt almost secure.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Isn’t she? God, maybe you should model. It can’t be hard to look that good, right?” Jack cast an incredibly suggestive gaze to Toko. Toko choked, trying to imagine herself in the outfits they put Junko in. She hated the idea.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Absolutely not, I refuse. I’m fine behind my computer screen, where nobody can see my face and they only appreciate me for my work.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack laughed. Toko realized her voice was getting louder, so she put in her headphones to make it seem like she was on a call. Thankfully, the library was almost empty, but she still didn’t want anyone to think she was talking to herself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Speaking of which, what exactly </span>
  <em>
    <span>are</span>
  </em>
  <span> you writing?” Jack slid the metaphysical chair around to Toko’s side of the table. “The Owl House? Is that the cartoon you watched in, what was it, a day? Wow.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, leave me alone!” Toko hid her face in her hands, but her ears still felt like someone took a match to them. “It’s cute, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m only kidding! Look, it’s cute that you’re branching out from fisherman romance to lesbian witch fanfiction.” Toko hated that word, ‘fanfiction.’ She hated it with every fiber of her being. It felt unprofessional, like there was less dignity to it than novel writing. It felt like something you’d do in the dark with the lights out where nobody can see you instead of something you’d share proudly with the world. She hated the word. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But there wasn’t a much more accurate word to describe it, was there?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m just suffering from writer’s block, okay? I’m trying to keep my skills sharp. That’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>all,</span>
  </em>
  <span>” Toko snapped. She understood the irony of defending herself against her own manifested personality, but she couldn’t help but talk back. She needed to prove to herself that she could defend herself. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Plus, she liked the feeling that she was worth standing up for.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well at least that one girl likes it. What was her name? Slowpokemaru?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Toko sighed. “Yeah, that was her.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>With eerily perfect timing, her laptop pinged at her.</span>
</p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <span>&gt; </span>
    <em>
      <span>From Slowpokemaru:</span>
    </em>
    <em>
      <span><br/>
</span>
    </em>
    <em>
      <span>Hey! I read your newest chapters and just wanted to tell you directly that I thought they were awesome! Just wanted to ask if you write for any other fandoms? I’d love to see some of your other work!</span>
    </em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>
  <span>“Speak of the devil,” Jack said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re going to tell me to reply, aren’t you?” She didn’t know why she asked, Toko already knew the answer. She wanted to, but was annoyed at the prospect that she wouldn’t have a choice.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I am,” Jack teased.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Toko typed out a quick reply, throwing in a few emotes for good measure. She didn’t want to reveal exactly what her entire career was, so she tried to keep it vague. </span>
</p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <span>&gt; </span>
    <em>
      <span>From Kameko:</span>
    </em>
    <em>
      <span><br/>
</span>
    </em>
    <em>
      <span>Thank you! Most of my other work is posted under another name that I’m not really comfortable associating with this account, sorry. But, I can tell you that you might have already read my stuff（＾ω＾）It’s pretty popular. </span>
    </em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>
  <span>Toko stared at her screen, contemplating hitting send.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What are you waiting for?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sat silent, pondering the things she’d been told earlier that morning. “Does she really think of me as a friend?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I mean, probably. Why would someone lie about that? Especially online?” Jack had a point. Maru had no reason to lie about this, especially considering there was no way they could know who she was.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fine. I’ll send it.” Her finger tapped the enter key.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Ping!</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>The familiar notification tone came from behind her in the instant she sent it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh my god! Are you Toko Fukawa?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>- - - - -</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I-I-I am, why do you ask?” The girl in front of her replied. Komaru was internally screaming. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry! I don’t want to put you on the spot, but you’re kind of one of my favourite authors! I read </span>
  <em>
    <span>Blue Thread from the Scarred Mountain</span>
  </em>
  <span> for a book report and I loved it so much that I read it again! It was so good! Though honestly, I thought there was going to be a romance be—” Komaru cut herself off when she realized that Fukawa seemed to be shaking. “Oh my god, I’m so sorry!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, it’s fine. I-I’m glad you l-liked the book.” Komaru could tell from a mile away she was lying. She took a breath and tried to calm herself down from her excitement.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry, I just got really excited. It’s not everyday you meet someone who influenced you so much, you know?” Komaru moved for a seat next to Toko. “Can I sit here?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uhh…” Toko paused for a few seconds. “Y-y-yeah, sure. If you want.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you.” Komaru sat herself down facing Toko. “I just really loved that book, you know? The lead was really strong and admirable, and I decided I wanted to be as strong as her someday. When my brother got into Hope’s Peak, I felt like… Like I had to pick up the slack, you know? I wish I could be as lucky as him.” Komaru looked down at her lap. “S-sorry! I didn’t mean to be depressing!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-it’s alright. I’m g-glad to know you liked my book!” Toko was still clearly nervous, but not nearly as nervous as before.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“By the way, my name is Komaru Naegi. I think it’s only fitting you know my name since, well, I know yours.” Komaru smiled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Naegi, huh? Like Makoto Naegi?” Komaru nodded, and Toko chuckled to herself. “No wonder. Y-your brother’s a good person, always making sure everyone is happy. I suppose that runs in the family. You’re both weirdly comfortable.” Komaru couldn’t help but feel she was being scanned, but she ignored it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is that a compliment?” Komaru asked. The two girls laughed. Komaru pulled out her phone and realized she’d gotten a message from someone. She quickly replied to it. “Sorry about that, just answering a text from a friend.” </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Ping!</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Toko’s laptop made a sound, and something appeared on her screen that caught Komaru’s attention. She couldn’t help but glance over and read what was on the screen.</span>
</p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <span>&gt; </span>
    <em>
      <span>From Slowpokemaru:</span>
    </em>
    <em>
      <span><br/>
</span>
    </em>
    <em>
      <span>Well that sure narrows it down! I read a lot of stuff, but it’s mostly manga and light novels, plus the occasional fanfic. It’s okay if you don’t want to share, I just couldn’t help but ask since you’re so talented. Your writing style seems familiar, but I can’t quite place where I know it from… hmm…</span>
    </em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>
  <span>Toko slammed her laptop shut. “Sorry, ignore tha—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wait, are you Kameko?” Komaru asked. Immediately after, she remembered the message she’d just replied to and regretted asking.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No! Wh-who is Kameko?? Why do you—” She cut herself off abruptly, taking a deep breath. “Sorry, yes I’m Kameko.” Toko seemed to be glaring just above Komaru’s shoulder, but when she looked there was nobody there.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s so cool! I’m Slowpokemaru, I was messaging you!” Komaru’s chipper attitude returned. “Your stuff on there is so good! It makes me so happy to know you wrote that fic.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“T-t-thank you.” There was a moment of silence between them. “H-hey, Komaru?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-why are you so nice to me?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>- - - - -</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Toko, you can’t just ask someone that!” Toko tried to avoid shooting Jack an additional glare behind Komaru.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, why wouldn’t I be? You were really nice to me when I messaged you, and your writing was really helpful for me. You’re not a bad person or anything, are you?” Komaru’s expression was so kind. Toko felt her ears heat up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-what if I am? You don’t know my life!” Toko retorted. Her chest felt tight.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Miss Morose, you could barely hurt a—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know you’re not, Fukawa-chan. I don’t think you could hurt anybody. You just don’t strike me as the type of person that would do something like that.” Komaru grabbed Toko’s hand. Toko was hesitant to pull away. “Why do you write?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-what?” Toko was taken aback.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why do you write? There must be a reason. Even if it’s your talent, there must be something driving you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Toko paused. Even Jack was quiet. “When I was in elementary school, I wrote someone a love letter. He pinned it to a bulletin board to make fun of me, but one teacher said that it was really good, and that I had a way with words, so I kept writing.” Her hands were shaking, and her eyes began to burn.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So it’s because someone believed in you, that’s why you write. That means you have a kind heart. You don’t do what you do out of spite or to prove someone wrong, you do it to prove someone right. You do it because someone was kind, and that in turn makes you kind as well.” Komaru’s voice was so soft spoken, and there wasn’t the slightest hint of malice in it at all. Not one drop of dishonesty.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Toko wiped her cheeks with her sleeves. She didn’t realize it, but she was crying. “Can I hug you?” The words just slipped right out of her mouth without a second thought. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course, if that’s what you want.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Toko leaned forward and buried her face in Komaru’s shoulder. She wrapped her arms around the girl, who returned the gesture. For the first time, she’d felt a completely unadulterated kindness. Nothing to taint it. There wasn’t any alternate goal or scheme in mind, Komaru was simply being kind for the sake of being kind. Her heart was still racing but she felt a fresh calm wash over her despite it. It was nice.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She smiled into her shoulder.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you, Komaru.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>- - - - -</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Komaru returned home for the second time that evening. After falling asleep on her phone, getting an email that she had overdue books, rushing to the library to return them and take out new ones, and meeting a minor idol, she would say she had a full day.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Welcome home,” a familiar voice said from the kitchen. She slipped off her shoes and peeked around the corner. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, hello Togami-san. What brings you here?” Togami was standing at the counter cutting potatoes with a dull knife. He looked frustrated. Just as Komaru was wondering where Makoto might be, he appeared in the kitchen and wiped off his hands on a towel.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey Komaru! You’ve met Byakuya, right?” Her brother made way for her to enter the kitchen, and Komaru took a seat at the table while Makoto joined Togami in cutting vegetables.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I have, you had him over for Thanksgiving last year. What’s the occasion this time?” Komaru asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Your brother—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Was feeling homesick. It’s been a while since I was home, so I thought I’d drop by for dinner with Byakuya.” Makoto was hiding something, Komaru could tell.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t see why you need to bring me along, Makoto. This is your family, not mine,” Togami protested. Komaru sat at the table and watched them cook the food. Togami whispered something to Makoto, but she couldn’t hear what.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I like having you here, and my family likes you. Is it so crazy that I enjoy having you around?” Makoto retorted. “We’ve been to—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know, but regardless. I’m—” Togami cut himself off. He was blushing. Komaru assumed she was the reason they were so carefully dancing around a certain subject, so she decided to ease their minds.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know you two are dating, Togami-san. You’re not subtle about it. Makoto texts me about it constantly and it’s adorable.” Byakuya shot Makoto a dangerous glare, and Makoto turned a terrifying shade of red. “Don’t worry, you have my blessing. Do Mom and Dad know?” Komaru asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They don’t,” Makoto answered, sweating under Byakuya’s glare. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do they need to?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They don’t.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then my lips are sealed.” The two boys let out a sigh of relief. Makoto and Komaru knew better than anyone that their mother was a gossip. Nobody needed word getting out their relationship. Not only would that put a major target on Makoto’s back, but it would likely get Byakuya exiled from his family. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Not a risk anyone was willing to take.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you, Komaru. It means a lot,” Byakuya said with a smile. It wasn’t much, but by Byakuya’s standards it was immense. Komaru responded in kind. “Makoto, on the other hand, I will be giving a lesson in consent to disclosure.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh-oh.” Makoto looked ready to bolt out of the kitchen. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Before long, their parents came home and dinner was served. It was a stew, prepared by hand by the two boys, with some help from Komaru making sure they didn’t burn the house down. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So, Togami-kun, what have you been up to lately?” Their mother asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I’ve mostly been sending emails as of late,” He responded candidly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Emails? What about?” Komaru worried they were prying a bit too deeply, but decided to let Byakuya defend himself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve been reaching out to my half-siblings. I want to break my family’s tradition of exiling all of their kin, so I’m trying to form connections with them. Even if they don’t want anything to do with my family or me, I at least want to extend that hand.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wow. That’s incredible of you, Togami-kun. I’m not sure I understand the specifics, but that can’t be an easy job. How’s it been going?” Their father asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I just sent out the emails today. All I can do now is hope.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They chatted about Makoto and Byakuya’s school life, teased Makoto a bit, and had a good time as they finished their dinner. Their mother took all the dishes into the kitchen to wash them, and just as Komaru was about to leave Makoto called her back to the table.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I have some news for you, Komaru,” Makoto said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You look worried, did something happen?” She would be lying if she said she wasn’t afraid to hear it. She braced herself for the worst.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well… You’ve been scouted by Hope’s Peak Academy,” Makoto revealed rather calmly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Komaru’s jaw dropped. She never expected to be scouted by Hope’s Peak. She felt a whirlwind of emotions, but most of them led back to the same thing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“For what? I don’t have any Ultimate Talent! I’m just a normal girl!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Actually, that’s where you’re wrong. You’re being scouted as the Ultimate Dreamer, apparently,” Byakuya interjected. He looked like he was fighting back a smirk, and when she glanced to Makoto he looked the same way.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ultimate Dreamer? What does that even mean? How would they know what I dream about?” Komaru was absolutely stunned. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think they mean Ultimate Optimist or something. I don’t understand the specifics, but they want you to begin attending next week.” Makoto seemed far too calm about this, it had to be some kind of prank. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re joking, aren’t you?” Komaru asked, bewildered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Makoto laughed. “I’m serious, Komaru! You’re going to Hope’s Peak! Well, if you want to, that is.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her parents weren’t even really reacting, did they already know? “Can you get me a glass of water?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>- - - - -</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m going to Hope’s Peak,” she said to herself. “I’m really going to Hope’s Peak.” She repeated it over and over to her reflection, but no matter how much she said it, she still couldn’t believe it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Makoto and Byakuya had long since left, and ever since they dropped their bombshell Komaru’s heart had been pounding. She fell on her bed and reached up to her ceiling. She envisioned the starry sky above her, suddenly so much closer than before. Up until now, she didn’t know what she wanted to do, but being told that she was an Ultimate gave her a bit of hope that, regardless of the path she took, it would all work out in the end.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She closed her eyes and smiled to herself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Then she opened her eyes again when she realized she would be going to school with Toko Fukawa.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. All In My Mind</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>"It seems that I just can't agree / With the version of myself I keep around for company"</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>cw lesbianism</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Toko sat again at her desk, writing away. She’d started work on something else, but impulse brought her back to her fan work. She had a constant itch to finish the things she’d started, and she wasn’t about to leave this unfinished. It didn’t matter how much she hated herself for it, she needed it completed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>After meeting with Komaru, she became really worried that she might use Toko’s real name in the comments. Before that anxiety could get the better of her, Komaru messaged her asking what she would prefer. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>How sweet.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They’d actually kept in touch surprisingly well. Toko would never text first because she was worried about being annoying, but Komaru seemed to pick up on that. She would always text right when Toko was craving it most. Toko was starting to think Komaru might be clairvoyant; her message timing was far too good to be a coincidence.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Toko thought that maybe Komaru could just tell when Toko needed a pick-me-up. She seemed to be good at reading people’s emotions and calming them down. She was all around a very relaxing presence; maybe it extended beyond in-person communication.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She found herself blushing as she thought of Komaru. She couldn’t help but feel warm inside when the girl entered her mind; she was such a kind and honest force and Toko hadn’t experienced much of that in her life. Byakuya was honest, but he was incredibly blunt about his disinterest in Toko. She was into it at first, but the spell wore off as Byakuya began avoiding her and telling her outright that her antics made him viscerally uncomfortable.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was right around the time she started watching that cartoon, too.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Huh.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Still going, Miss Morose?” Jack asked.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Of course I am, what do you expect of me?” Toko bit back. The bitter responses weren’t uncommon when Toko was writing. She got into a flow and needed to keep it going, and anything that fell in the stream would be ripped away by the rapids.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Ouch, harsh. I was just going to say you might want to drink some water, maybe stretch a bit. You’ve been sitting there for a while, you could use a break.” Jack was sitting on the bed to Toko’s left, and in the dark she could see a soft expression on her face.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“When did you become so soft? Aren’t you supposed to be a serial killer or something?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Did you forget that I, you know, die if you don’t take care of yourself? I’m being nice because it’s the easiest way to get what I want. There’s an ulterior motive here. Why else would I ask you to take care of yourself?” Toko knew she was lying but couldn’t be bothered to dispute it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She sighed. Her fingers smacked the Ctrl+S keys once, then a few times more for good measure, and then she stood up and went for the door.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey dumbass, it’s raining! Take a coat!” Jack yelled after her. She pulled on a coat quietly and left, closing the door behind her.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Toko had a few reasons that she needed to get up. Firstly, she desperately needed to stretch. Secondly, she needed to find Mikan Tsumiki to ask her some questions. She was writing some lightly gory stuff and she wanted to ensure it was accurate. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She couldn’t help being as accurate to real life as possible when she wrote. Even in fantasy, if someone were to break a bone, it would break a specific way. She needed to know the details to make it as immersive as possible. Her body physically rejected the idea of any less than perfection when it came to this. In one of her novels, she’d specifically researched the exact details of where a certain storm occurred just for a single scene in a storm.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>School was currently in session when she arrived, so Mikan was likely in the Nurse’s office or in her class. Toko didn’t know how, but Ms Yukizome managed to get that entire class in line and have them all showing up to their regular studies. She’d heard that one of their class members, Chiaki Nanami, was constantly planning group activities for everyone to enjoy. She’d heard even Kyoko and Makoto ended up at one of their activities, simply because Kyoko wanted to investigate and they got roped into the fun and games.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She wished her teachers would think of something like that. Maybe she’d have more friends that way.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Class 3-A. She peeked in. The room was seemingly empty, but she could only see the front half of the classroom through the door. “Maybe they’re doing another one of their activities,” Toko thought to herself. She slid open the door slowly cautiously and leaned her head in.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“H-hey, Tsumiki-san? I wanted to ask you s—”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She stopped, realizing she was intruding on something. At one of the desks, perfectly out of view from the door, was Mikan and Ibuki. They were… kissing, it looked like. It wasn’t anything particularly lewd, just an intimate moment she felt like she was intruding on.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And to punctuate the moment, she lost her balance in the doorway and fell very loudly into the classroom, knocking over a chair.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“AHHHHHH! Ibuki! What was that?” Mikan yelped. Toko got up off the floor and balanced herself against the wall to regain her composure. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“O-oh, hello Fukawa-chan. I’m s-sorry you had to see that,” Ibuki stuttered. Both of them were beet red, and Toko felt very </span>
  <em>
    <span>very </span>
  </em>
  <span>awkward. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I-I-It’s fine, I won’t t-tell anyone,” she responded nervously. “Is it a bad time? I can come back later, I just wanted to ask Tsumiki-san some questions for some writing I’m doing is all! I’m not here to s-spy on you or anything.” Toko’s face was incredibly warm and she knew she must have been just as red.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Despite her writing about two girls being romantic, she’d never actually witnessed or experienced anything real like this. Her heart was pounding.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>What emotion was this?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s fine, Fukawa-chan,” Mikan replied. Her voice was a lot calmer than her usual panicked demeanor, but she was holding rather tightly onto Ibuki’s hand. Maybe she wasn’t as calm as Toko believed. “I’ll be right back, okay Ibuki?” she said.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“O-okay,” Ibuki replied with a smile. It seemed like Toko wasn’t the only one completely sidelined by her calm attitude. Mikan planted a small kiss on Ibuki’s cheek and stood up to lead Toko out of the room.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ibuki looked like a tomato.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“What would you like to ask, Fukawa-chan?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, well, I was just wondering…” She trailed off, having to refocus on what it was she was here for. “Right, I was wondering about the symptoms that might appear if someone were to be bitten by a snake. It’s for my writing.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, do you have a notepad? I can write some of them down for you.” Toko didn’t understand how Mikan could be so calm in this situation. She’d just been caught kissing a girl (quite intensely if Toko’s vision was still as terrible as always), so it would only be logical for her to be disoriented.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Toko silently passed her a notepad from her back pocket with a pen. As Mikan talked and wrote, Toko’s mind trailed right off. She wondered what it all must be like: feeling romantic feelings for other girls, having to hide in a dim classroom to avoid being seen. She wondered how Mikan could remain so calm after having just been caught red-handed in a socially repulsive act.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Toko couldn’t help but feel sympathetic. She seemed so happy with Ibuki, so incredibly level-headed. Neither Mikan nor Ibuki deserved to be forced to hide their affection behind closed doors. She only really knew Mikan as a collection of references for her writing, but all the same, Mikan considered her a friend, and so she still felt for her.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She wondered what it felt like to kiss a girl herself. Surely, it must be worth all the hiding and secrecy if these two were still here together.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Here you go! If you have any other que—”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What’s it like?” Toko blurted out. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“W-what? What are you talking about?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What’s it like to have to hide how you feel like that?” Toko immediately regretted asking as Mikan’s smile disappeared. “Sorry, I don’t know why I as—”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It sucks, if I’m being honest.” She looked sad. “I don’t like having to hide like this. It’s painful, because I want to be able to tell my friends and family how happy I am with Ibuki, but… I can’t, because they might hate me for it.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Mikan…” Toko whispered.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“But you know what? Seeing Ibuki smile how she does, hearing her beautiful voice and knowing it’s one that loves you back, it almost makes it all worth it in the end.” </span>
  <span>Toko was almost moved to tears, surprised by how poetic Mikan's statement was.</span>
  <span>. Mikan smiled softly. “There’s ups and downs, right? But… I love Ibuki, and I’m willing to do anything to keep loving her.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s… that was beautiful, Mikan. Thank you for telling me that.” She wished she had something else to say.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re my friend. Of course I would trust you with that. Though please don’t tell anyone, Ibuki isn’t ready to be ‘public’ yet,” Mikan smiled. The two giggled.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I won’t. Promise.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Just then, Ibuki came out of the classroom. “Coach Nekomaru says that Teach is looking for us. We should probably rejoin them.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s probably a good idea.” Mikan turned to Toko. “Do you have any other questions?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Toko shook her head. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Then I think we should be going. Thank you for trusting me, Fukawa-chan.” Toko blush. She couldn’t move from her spot as she watched Ibuki and Mikan walk down the hall, hand in hand. Just as she was about to head back to her dorms, she heard Mikan call back to her.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Do you have someone you love, Toko?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Toko froze. She didn’t know what to say, really. There was Byakuya, but she’d let that train leave the station not too long ago. Other than him, she hadn’t really felt anything like that before.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Fukawa-chan!” chimed a familiar voice. Behind Mikan and Ibuki, Komaru and two others Toko didn’t recognize had just rounded the corner. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Her heart jumped.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Mikan didn’t wait for an answer, so she simply waved as another arrived. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“H-hi, Komaru. W-what are you doing here?” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>- - - - -</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Welcome to class 1-B, please introduce yourself!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“My name is Komaru Naegi, pleased to meet you!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Komaru’s first day was upon her. Her new life began here, among the best of the best. She still could hardly believe she was at Hope’s Peak, especially considering the circumstances. She’d asked people what they meant by “Ultimate Dreamer”, but nobody had given her a straight answer. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She decided to just assume that Makoto had pulled some strings and got her in.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hello, Naegi-san!” The class rang out. She scanned the room. There were a few faces she recognized from newspapers, magazines, and the internet. Kaede Akamatsu, the Ultimate Pianist, sat in the center of the second row, and on her left was Tsumugi Shirogane, the Ultimate Cosplayer. Towards the back was Tenko Chabashira, Ultimate Aikido Master, and on either side of her sat Ryoma Hoshi the Ultimate Tennis Pro and Himiko Yumeno the Ultimate Magician. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She was reminded of when Makoto got into Hope’s Peak, and how he rattled off about his new classmates.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She smiled to the class and gave a bow before taking the empty seat in the third row.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>After she took her seat, the class slowly began to dissolve. A couple people made their way out, and almost everyone else was absorbed in their own conversations. Komaru was incredibly confused, wondering why the teacher wasn’t doing anything to stop this. She went up and asked.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, right. At Hope’s Peak, classes for students aren’t mandatory, as this is an establishment built to refine and understand Ultimate Talents. Pretty soon, some people will— oh, right on cue.” A variety of students meandered out of the classroom. “So long as they’re refining their talents, they’re free to do as they please.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Komaru was disappointed, to say the least. She was hoping to make some new friends while she was here, but that would be difficult if nobody was actually all together at once. She returned to her desk and pulled out a notebook, beginning to draw.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>About an hour passed. Komaru had been listening to music, still sketching and writing down random ideas and thoughts, when someone approached her desk. She looked up to see a boy with dark blue hair hidden under a hat looking down at her. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey, Naegi-san? I uh… I was wondering… Um…” He stammered. Soon enough, Akamatsu came over to her desk as well.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hello, Naegi-chan, we wanted to ask if you’d like a tour of the school! I thought Shuichi here would be perfectly capable, but I guess he’s shy.” She patted the boy’s head, apparently named Shuichi.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, I’m Shuichi Saihara, Ultimate Detective. pleased to meet you,” the boy said nervously.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“And I’m Kaede Akamatsu, the Ultimate Pianist! We’re so glad to have you in our class.” She gave an honest and warm smile. Komaru looked around. They were the only two people still here in the room, and the teacher had long since left. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m Komaru Naegi, Ultimate Dreamer… I guess. I’m still not sure what that means.” Komaru frowned. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, you’ll have plenty of time to figure that out. In the meantime, why don’t we show you around the school? I’m sure there’s lots of places you haven’t been.” Kaede stood up and extended her hand. “Come on!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Komaru hesitantly took her hand. Kaede pulled her up, and they made their way out of the classroom. Just as they were leaving, Komaru realized she left her stuff behind, but she didn’t want to be rude and go back for it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She just assumed they’d be back later.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The trio roamed all around the school. They went to the cafeteria, the different science labs, the music room (where Kaede played a beautiful piano ballad), a few offices, and even the multiple gymnasiums. The building was massive. Komaru’s legs were starting to get sore from all the walking. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Alright, that’s everything! Well, except for the teacher’s lounge. What did you think?” Kaede beamed at her. Komaru had to wonder how she could be so enthusiastic all the time. Not that she was complaining.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It was nice! You two are really good tour guides,” she said with a smile.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We’re glad you like it here,” Shuichi said, smiling. Over their tour, he’d really started to open up to her. He was actually really sweet.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>As they rounded the corner, Komaru was greeted with a familiar face.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Fukawa-chan!” She yelled. She ran over to see her friend, excited to finally see someone she knew.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“H-hi, Komaru. W-what are you doing here?” Toko replied. She looked worried.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, I hope you weren’t talking to those people and I scared them off…” Komaru pressed her fingers together. “Sorry!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“N-no, it’s fine. I-I-I was just asking s-some questions for my writing. They were a-already on their way,” Her ears were hot.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Fukawa-chan, you’re bright red! Are you okay?” Komaru went to put a hand to her forehead, but Toko quickly swatted it away.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“N-no! It’s a sunburn, I-I’ll be fine. I-I-I’ve gotta go, it was nice to see you, Komaru!” With that, Toko ran off. Komaru was left speechless. She reached for her phone to text Toko asking if she was okay, but it wasn’t in her pocket.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, crap! I forgot I left my stuff in the classroom!” She exclaimed. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s fine, we’re almost back there, right? It’s not like it got up and walked away,” Kaede said. The three began to wander back to the classroom.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>- - - - -</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Toko ran through the empty halls, but eventually her lungs needed a break. She stumbled into a classroom looking for somewhere to sit.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Wow, that was graceful.” Jack sneered. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, perfect.” Toko was absolutely not in the mood to deal with Jack’s nonsense. “What do you want?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I want to tell you how cool it was that you ran away from your new crush, that’s all.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Toko began coughing roughly. If she wasn’t still red from blushing, she was about to be blue from suffocation. “She’s not my crush,” she said through wheezes.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Miss Morose, I’m in your mind. I know what you think, and let me tell you, what you think of her is a crush.” Jack sat in a desk at the back, kicking her feet up on the chair next to her. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Toko ignored her and decided to look around. She was in one of the first year classrooms, and a spot of research into what first year students were like wouldn’t hurt. There wasn’t much to research, since there was only one desk that seemed to be occupied. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She walked over to it. There was a notebook on top, left open on a page of some random doodles. There seemed to be no rhyme or reason to what the owner was using it for, just a collection of ideas. Some of the drawings were surreal, but most of them were pretty normal. She flipped through. The handwriting wasn’t bad, and the drawings were pretty good. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Invading someone’s privacy?” Jack asked.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Has Makoto mentioned an Ultimate Artist at this school? Or maybe an Ultimate Ideas person?” Toko asked. As she flipped through the book, she stumbled onto a page that made her reel. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was a drawing of her. It looked almost like a penciled photograph, the detail was incredible. Nothing groundbreaking, but it was still— </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“—Beautiful,” Jack muttered. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I guess you do have a heart,” Toko said. She looked to the name in the corner.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Komaru Naegi. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Holy shit,” she gasped. “Holy shit holy shit holy shit holy—”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey! Get it together, just because your crush drew this of you doesn’t mean you can go having a heart attack, okay?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Footsteps. Three sets of footsteps in the hallway. Toko knew it was Komaru and her new friends. She had to hide. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Without even thinking, she ran and hid herself in the closet. Just as she got the door closed, she heard the classroom door open.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>- - - - -</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“So what do you think of the school?” Kaede asked as they re-entered the classroom.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s beautiful,” Komaru responded. “I’m going to miss my friends, but I feel like I’ll still like it here.” She decided to be optimistic about it. Maybe she didn’t understand why she was here, but she felt good about it. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She walked over to her desk and grabbed her bag off the back of the chair, placing it onto the desk next to her own. She put her pencils back in the pencil case and tossed it all haphazardly into the bag, but when she reached for her notebook she stopped. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Toko Fukawa.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>- - - - -</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Komaru blushed at the drawing. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Toko couldn’t hear exactly what was going on, but she could see through the crack in the door. Her two friends walked over, and Komaru quickly shut the notebook. She held it behind her and stammered some excuse about why they couldn’t see what she was writing. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Her face was still red. As the other two turned and headed for the door, Komaru looked lost in thought.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She was smiling, and Toko couldn’t quite breathe.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Her smile was beautiful.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>- - - - -</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Are you coming, Naegi-chan?” Kaede asked. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yep! Sorry!” Komaru put her notebook back in her bag and followed her friends out of the room.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Four Years Gone</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>"Taste my dialect, a mouth of disrespect // And some words I never said to you"</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>A couple weeks had passed since Komaru began her student life at Hope’s Peak. She didn’t have much she needed to move to the dorms, only the stuff that was on her desk and the sheets from her bed. She had brought along her books, as well as her favourite stuffed animal. She’d thought that she might be teased for having a stuffed animal. Thankfully, she didn’t end up with a roommate.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She was happy. She’d already made friends with Kaede and Shuichi from her tour, and she’d also been spending time with everyone else, getting the chance to learn about her class. Tenko Chabashira and Tsumugi Shirogane were two with whom she’d spent a lot of time already, as were Rantaro Amami and Kokichi Ouma. She seemed to gravitate towards the ones with the most chaotic energy.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She’d also started spending more time with Toko. Something about her seemed a little off, but Komaru was too shy to point anything out. She didn’t want to be rude to her new friend, so she let the weirdness slide. Still, it bugged her. Had she done something to make Toko uncomfortable? Perhaps Toko didn’t like her anymore. Maybe she’d— </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, Maru! You in there?” Kokichi shouted, snapping his fingers in her face. She blinked herself back to reality and nodded. She’d been in the zone, drawing away in her notebook against the wall of the school while the rest of her classmates were engaged in a soccer skirmish on the field. She didn’t know why they had to be outside, the gym was just as good. “Hey, hey! Don’t zone out on me again!” Kokichi snapped again, and she flinched. “It’s your turn! Ryoma is switching out.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I thought I was sitting out for this,” she sighed. She was only here because Kaede invited her. She thought it would be fun to draw, but she had quickly grown bored and switched to more interesting subjects.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, sorry. I thought you were playing,” Kokichi took a seat next to her. “What are you drawing?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Komaru didn’t hear him. She’d zoned out again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wow, that’s really good! Is that your girlfriend or something?” No response. “She’s really cute, I like her glasses. She looks familiar though…” Still no response. “Wait, isn’t that Toko Fukawa from 2-B?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-what?” Komaru’s ears instantly felt hot.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The drawing. It’s Toko Fukawa from 2-B, right?” Kokichi asked with a devilish grin.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“N-no! It just… happens to look like her.” She slammed the notebook shut and shoved it in her bag. Kokichi laughed. “What’s so funny?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, nothing.” He elbowed her. “You’re just cute when you’re lying, that’s all. As a professional liar, I can sniff them ou—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I know. You don’t exactly stop talking about your whole </span>
  <em>
    <span>secret evil organization</span>
  </em>
  <span> that you’re </span>
  <em>
    <span>definitely</span>
  </em>
  <span> the mastermind of,” Komaru bit back. “... sorry. That was rude.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No harm done, I’m used to it.” Kokichi stretched out his legs and relaxed next to Komaru in the shade of the building. “So… Toko Fukawa huh? Girlfriend or just an unrequited crush?” Komaru stared at her knees in silence. “Crush, huh? I feel kinda bad for you. I imagine it’s not easy.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What would you know?” Komaru retorted, her voice rising. Some classmates looked over, but Kokichi waved them off. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m just guessing, that’s all. Besides, you’re not exactly good at hiding it. Just how many drawings of her are in that notebook of yours?” Komaru went quiet.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“... Three.” Her ears were on fire. She felt humiliated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Three, huh? One might say that’s creepy…” He trailed off and Komaru felt her heart sink for a moment. “... but I think it’s cute.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She perked up. “C-cute?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah! If someone were drawing pictures of me like that, I’d be flattered! It’s not like your drawings are super creepy or lewd, right?” Komaru nodded. “Then it’s totally wholesome. It’s not creepy at all.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, what are you two talking about?” Tsumugi and Kaede walked over.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nothing much, just Komaru’s crush,” Kokichi answered without hesitation. Komaru turned bright red instantly. She punched Kokichi in the shoulder.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, it’s fine. Your secret’s safe with us,” Tsumugi put a finger to her temple and posed dramatically. “I actually came over here to ask you if you’re available for Danganronpa weekend coming up. It’s starting next Friday, and it’ll end the following Monday.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Danganronpa? What’s that?” Komaru asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, right, you’re new here. Well… Danganronpa was a game that Junko Enoshima invented with Chihiro and a couple other people just over a year ago. It’s this sort of… roleplaying game, I guess is the best way to describe it. She made it as a one-off thing, but it ended up becoming a yearly tradition. Now, every year, each class is put into the next killing game!” She punctuated her explanation with more ridiculous poses. Komaru giggled, but her heart dropped at the last remark.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Killing game?” Komaru asked. “Y-you mean we—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, you don’t actually die. It’s a video game. If you get killed then you’re eliminated. So are you in or…?” Komaru was conflicted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s a really good opportunity for us to grow as a class! It will be really fun, I promise,” Kaede added, kneeling down next to Komaru.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I… Thank you, but no. I like the idea, but I’m going to sit out, if that’s okay.” She felt bad. It did seem like a lot of fun, but she already had plans with Toko that weekend. They were going to marathon the Ultra Despair Girls movies together, and she didn’t want to reschedule. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s okay! We already have sixteen, so if you can’t come we’ll still have plenty.” Tsumugi spoke so kindly, her soft voice made Komaru smile.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suddenly, Kaede grabbed her hand. “Alright, get up!” She declared.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-what? Why?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, you can’t sit out of everything, now can you? Come on! You’re gonna join us for soccer!” Kaede beamed. Kokichi sat on the grass laughing hysterically. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Komaru attempted to resist, but her efforts were fruitless. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The game wasn’t too bad.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>- - - - -</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Whatcha writing?” A familiar voice chirped. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Toko peeked up from her laptop. Komaru took a seat next to her at her table in the library. “Nothing really, just another chapter for that fic.” She’d gotten a bit more used to the idea of being a fanfiction writer, but she still didn’t like the terminology. She stretched her arms and legs, cracking her back as she fixed her posture. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ooh! I look forward to reading it! How many chapters do you think you’re going to write?” She beamed. Komaru’s enthusiasm was intoxicating. She never seemed to be without a smile when she was around Toko, and that energy alone made Toko open up to her faster than she had to anyone else.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know. I’m not really planning it out, you know? My hands just do their thing.” She felt almost uncomfortable with how comfortable it felt around Komaru. She’d noticed that she was completely different with her than with people like Asahina or Togami. It felt good to be herself, but it also felt weird.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her anxiety would remain undying, she reasoned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I totally understand that. When I’m writing or drawing or… anything really, I get so into the zone that I don’t even remember what it is I’m doing half the time. Maybe that’s what they mean by ‘Ultimate Dreamer’.” She put a finger to her chin. Toko noticed a new pin in her hair. It was a white feather, and it looked good on her. Despite having a pretty disheveled look, Toko liked her aesthetic. The slightly oversized blue sweatshirt, the hair elastics around her wrist, the mismatched socks. Toko would have thought it a lazy outfit on anyone else, but Komaru made it work.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She couldn’t help but wonder what Komaru’s sweater smelled like.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shook her head, dismissing the thought. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You okay? You look distracted,” Komaru asked. Her mouth formed a concerned frown, but the caring smile was still in her eyes. Her beautiful green-hazel eyes, brought out by her hair of the same colour. She looked— </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I’m alright. D-distracted, like you said.” She sighed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They talked while Toko wrote and Komaru drew. They discussed all sorts of things, ranging from the shows and books they’d been into all the way to the mundanities of their day to day life. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fukawa?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>A voice brought it all to a halt. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Toko looked up. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nikushimi? W-what are you doing here? I thought you were—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I heard you were going to Hope’s Peak, so I wanted to come by and talk to you. I hope that’s alright,” the boy stammered. Toko grimaced. Here standing before her was the main reason that she was a writer; the boy who’d pinned her love letter to the school bulletin board for the world to see. She felt an overfamiliar sense of humiliation wash over her for the first time in a long time. She wanted nothing more than to scream. To yell, to kick, to punch, stab, bite, claw, anything. She </span>
  <em>
    <span>hated</span>
  </em>
  <span> this boy. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What will you do?” Jack spoke from the recesses of her mind. Komaru looked at Toko with concern. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, take a seat,” Toko said reluctantly. She gestured across the table.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nikushimi took his seat and leaned back. Toko braced herself for every horrible thing he could possibly say. She closed her eyes and grit her teeth, waiting for his voice to cut through her like a freshly sharpened saw blade.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Listen, I wanted to say I’m sorry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-what?” She reeled in her seat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry, you know, for what I did back in elementary school. It’s been weighing me down for some time, and when I heard you were here I thought it would be the perfect opportunity to apologize.” His voice was steady. It suddenly sounded rehearsed. Toko thought it was too good to be true. Komaru sat next to her in silence. She was clearly listening, but tried to make it look like she wasn’t by continuing to scribble in her notebook.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“U-uh, this is u-unexpected. I-I don’t even know w-w-what to say.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I understand. It’s been, what, four years since we last saw each other? It’s only natural you’d feel a little awkward.” Something was wrong, Toko could feel it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-it’s not that, i-it’s just—” She cut herself off. She couldn’t even put into words how surreal this was. It felt like a scene right from a novel where everyone, reader and protagonist included, knows something’s off. It felt too convenient. “I just don’t understand.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I mean, it’s not like it was all bad, you know? If it weren’t for me putting your letter on the bulletin board like that, Ms. Eto wouldn’t have read it and you wouldn’t have become a writer, so—” There it was. The twist of the knife— she knew it was coming but it still hurt all the same. She felt tears welling up at the statement.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How dare you?” Komaru growled. Toko turned and saw Komaru, eyebrows furrowed and teeth barred. Her happy demeanor and comforting smile were gone for the first time she’d ever seen, and in their place was something terrifying. “How dare you come here and say that? After all this time?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Komaru—” Toko tried.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nikushimi snapped, “What do you know? You didn’t know her back then, she was a dirty little thief. If it weren’t for me, she would never—” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah? Well, I know her now, and the Toko I know is strong and kind and more caring than anything you’ll ever know.” Komaru stood from her seat and leaned over the desk, putting her finger in Nikushimi’s face. “You have no right to be here. Leave.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Toko felt lucky they were seated between two bookshelves, out of view from the rest of the library. Nikushimi stood up angrily. He scoffed and walked away. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Komaru sat back down with a sigh. “Sorry about that, I just couldn’t stand hearing him talk about you like that. I hope that was okay…” Her gaze avoided Toko’s, but when Toko didn’t speak she looked up. “Hey, are you okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Toko was fully crying at this point. The emotions she was feeling were an unclear and messy mix of happy and sad, but she smiled anyway. “Yeah, I’m fine. Thank you for doing that, I don’t know if I would have been strong enough.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t mention it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Toko looked at the floor. She tapped her fingers together, trying to find the right words. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Would you like a hug?” Komaru asked, finding the words for her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, please,” she said, her voice quavering. She leaned into Komaru’s shoulder and, once again, let herself sob into the girl’s sweatshirt. Komaru didn’t hesitate to put her arms around her this time. After a few moments, Toko sat back up in her seat. Her eyes were still red.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, I think the library’s about to close. Do you… want to watch a movie with me in my dorm? I have Kiki’s Delivery Service, it’s really wholesome.” Komaru held Toko’s hands in hers. They were soft and warm.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“... Yes, please.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>- - - - -</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Komaru didn’t know how to feel about the current predicament. She and Toko were cuddling under a cozy blanket on her couch alone in her dorm. She had every reason to feel happy; her crush using her as a pillow, nice warm cup of hot chocolate, Studio Ghibli films with her crush, but for some reason a pang of guilt continued to chime in her heart.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maybe it was the context. She felt like she was manipulating Toko, using her for personal satisfaction while she was in a moment of need. No matter how she tried to tell herself it was fine, that line of logic always came back. She couldn’t let herself just be happy. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Despite all this, Toko had a smile on her face. Komaru had seen her smile a few times, but this was different somehow. Before, Toko would smile whenever she was talking about something she was passionate about, but here she seemed more… content. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you,” Toko had said more than once during the movie. They’d paused early on to make hot chocolate and she thanked Komaru then. They’d paused again when Toko needed to use the bathroom and she thanked Komaru then as well. When they switched movies, when Komaru pulled the blankets from her bed, Toko thanked her again and again. Every single time, Komaru could only smile. She didn’t know what else to say.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As she watched the movie, her mind wandered back and forth between her notebook and what Kokichi had said earlier that day. Was he really being truthful? Did he really think it was wholesome? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, I need to go to the bathroom, is that alright?” Komaru asked. She reached for the remote and paused the movie. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Huh? Oh, yeah.” Toko was half asleep. She didn’t blame the girl, she knew Toko stayed up well into the night writing and it was already almost 9pm. She had half a mind to invite Toko to stay the night, but she didn’t know if her heart could handle her crush being that close to her. There was only one bed, after all, and she wasn’t about to make Toko sleep on the couch.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Toko sat up off of Komaru’s lap and rubbed her eyes under her glasses. Komaru pushed all her thoughts about how cute Toko was out of her mind and waddled over to the washroom. While she did her thing, she pulled out her phone and sent off a text.</span>
</p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>
      <span>To Kaede Akamatsu:</span>
    </em>
    <em>
      <span><br/>
</span>
    </em>
    <em>
      <span>Do you think it’s wholesome to draw your crush?</span>
    </em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>
  <span>She didn’t expect any response. It was past curfew, and she knew Kaede actually had a decent sleep schedule so she expected her to be asleep by now, but within a few seconds her phone buzzed in her hands.</span>
</p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>
      <span>From Kaede Akamatsu:</span>
    </em>
    <em>
      <span><br/>
</span>
    </em>
    <em>
      <span>I think it’s super cute!! Why do you ask? Are you in ~ * looooove * ~ ?</span>
    </em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>
  <span>Komaru almost dropped her phone against the tile floor. She felt her ears warm up. </span>
</p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>
      <span>To Kaede Akamatsu:</span>
    </em>
    <em>
      <span><br/>
</span>
    </em>
    <em>
      <span>… perhaps.</span>
    </em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>
  <span>She put her phone into sleep mode and placed it on the counter beside her. It vibrated again pretty quickly against the marble, but Komaru wasn’t ready to hear Kaede make fun of her for her crush. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She finished up and washed her hands and then took another seat on the closed toilet. She hesitantly reached for her phone.</span>
</p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p><em><span>From Kaede Akamatsu:</span></em><em><span><br/>
</span></em> <em><span>That’s so cute!! Go Maru-chan!! I hope your hunt for the girl bears fruit! :3</span></em></p>
</blockquote><p>
  <span>She practically squealed. </span>
</p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>
      <span>To Kaede Akamatsu:</span>
    </em>
    <em>
      <span><br/>
</span>
    </em>
    <em>
      <span>How did you know it was a girl?!</span>
    </em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>
      <span>From Kaede Akamatsu:</span>
    </em>
    <em>
      <span><br/>
</span>
    </em>
    <em>
      <span>Are you kidding me? The moment I saw you, my gaydar pinged like crazy. Tsumugi agrees. See?</span>
    </em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>
  <span>Attached was a photo of Kaede and Tsumugi in a similar position to Komaru and Toko just a few moments prior. They were smiling, with Tsumugi holding up a peace sign and giving a wink to the camera. Kaede was kissing Tsumugi on her cheek.</span>
</p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>
      <span>To Kaede Akamatsu:</span>
    </em>
    <em>
      <span><br/>
</span>
    </em>
    <em>
      <span>Don’t tell anyone, please? I’m not ready for people to know yet. I appreciate your support, though.</span>
    </em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>
      <span>From Kaede Akamatsu:</span>
    </em>
    <em>
      <span><br/>
</span>
    </em>
    <em>
      <span>Of course! I know what it’s like, but Tsumugi and I are here for you. If you need anything, don’t hesitate to give us a call! :D</span>
    </em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>
  <span>Komaru put her phone back in her pyjama pants pocket. She put her head in her hands, taking a moment to calm down and collect her thoughts. As the room went silent, she heard a voice outside the bathroom.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>- - - - -</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“When are you gonna make your move, Ms Morose? I don’t think Dekomaru’s gonna wait forever,” Jack teased. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know what you’re talking about, why would I make a move? I’m not into her!” Toko whispered. She turned around to see Jack sitting on the kitchen counter eating some grapes, most likely also imaginary. As far as she knew, Toko’s imaginary friends didn’t have the power to affect the real world.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ms Morose. Did you forget I live in your mind? I know what you think of her, and lemme tell ya, as someone who’s read all of your books, that’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>love!</span>
  </em>
  <span>” Jack hopped off the counter to emphasize her point. She walked over to the couch and sat across from Toko with a dramatic flop.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-it’s not. Komaru’s a girl, I could never—” Her voice raised.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dude, you’re writing lesbian fanfiction in your free time. You absolutely could. Not even that, you have!” Jack kicked her feet up on the small ottoman. “You’re really boring, Toko.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>- - - - -</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Who is she talking to?” Komaru whispered to herself. She cautiously stepped out of the bathroom, and Toko turned towards her like a deer in headlights. “Sorry, were you on the phone? I can—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No! I—” Toko cut herself off and stared at the floor. “... crap.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Toko? Is everything okay?” Komaru walked over to her friend. Toko stepped back, seemingly afraid. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not who you think I am! There’s something I haven’t told you! You’ll hate me if I tell you!” She yelled out. She looked like she was sad or in pain. Komaru took another step towards her, reaching for her hand, but Toko pulled away again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I could never hate you, Toko. If you want to tell me, you can tell me.” Komaru took a seat on the couch and patted next to her for Toko to sit, but she wouldn’t.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can’t sit there.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why not?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jack’s—” She looked away. “I just can’t.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Toko, what aren’t you telling me?” Komaru was getting increasingly worried.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Toko sighed. She took a seat on the ottoman in front of Komaru and twiddled her thumbs. Komaru waited for her to speak. It felt like forever, but she waited patiently.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“... I have an imaginary friend.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You… what?” Komaru was completely sidelined.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Her name is Jack, and she’s been my imaginary friend ever since elementary school. She looks like me but… she’s a lot wilder and meaner.” Komaru was struggling to hold in a laugh, but eventually she just burst into hysterics. “W-what’s so funny? Are you making fun of me?!” Toko shouted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No! No no no no! I’m just surprised! I thought maybe you killed someone or something.” She took a moment to breathe. Toko looked upset. Komaru leaned forwards and reached for her hands once more, this time Toko allowing her to take them. Toko’s hands were ragged in comparison to Komaru’s soft and smooth skin, but it still felt nice against her palms. “Hey, I’m sorry. It just caught me off guard, that’s all. I think it’s cool that you have an imaginary friend! Er— is there something you’d rather me call her?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Toko paused. “Her name is Jack, she says.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Komaru smiled. “Well, tell Jack I say hello, okay?” Toko looked frustrated. “Is something wrong?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jack’s laughing at us. She says we’re stupid.” Her grimace was adorable.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s not very nice,” Komaru whined. She started giggling again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can you stop laughing at me? It’s making me worried.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think it’s cute!” Komaru beamed at Toko. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Cute, huh?” Toko muttered under her breath.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Komaru remembered her drawings. Toko’d just revealed a major secret to her, she owed it to her to show her the drawings. Eventually the two got back into their position and resumed the movie, but the thought still ate away at Komaru.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe another time,” she thought.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Alright</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>"But why do we lie? // Why do we try and act like we don't care?"</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Guilt. Nothing but guilt. Komaru had no other emotions in this moment other than extreme and all encompassing guilt.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Logically speaking, she shouldn’t have been feeling at all guilty. Unfortunately, there wasn’t a lot of logic in her brain when she woke up and found her crush’s head resting on her chest. She didn’t remember ever making her way to the bed, in fact, she was sure she fell asleep while watching the movie. Did Toko carry her here? Why didn’t she head back to her dorm afterwards? Did Komaru wake up and bring Toko in here while she was half asleep? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>What happened last night?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>All the questions raced through her mind. She knew none of them would be answered when her companion began to rouse from her slumber. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She looked cute.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Komaru shook the thought from her head. Not now.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good morning, Maru,” the sleepy girl mumbled, eyes half lidded. She was adorable.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“H-hey Toko, did you s-sleep well?” She didn’t know how to ask about the previous night, so she just pretended she knew what happened. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, my pillow was really comfy… wait…” Komaru could hear the gears turning in Toko’s skull. Her eyes shot open and her face flushed pink as she shot off of Komaru. “Komaru? Why are you in my room?” She shrieked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Both girls were wearing what they had the night before, so Komaru assumed one of them brought the other one in here and they just fell asleep in a pile. “I’m p-p-pretty sure this is my room, Toko.” She gestured to the clean living space, stark contrast to Toko’s dumpster fire of organization. Komaru still liked it at Toko’s dorm, but her temptations to overhaul the entire space were going to get the best of her some day.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“O-oh.” She looked confused. “W-wait! Why am I in your room then?” Komaru loved the sound of Toko’s voice, but at— she checked the clock— 7:30 in the morning, it was a bit too loud. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think we fell asleep while watching movies,” she groaned, stretching her arms and legs out. “I fell asleep during the last movie, I don’t really remember how we got in here.” She rubbed the back of her head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Toko looked conflicted. “Y-you’re lying! You brought me in here to get in my skirt!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Komaru reeled. “W-what?! I would never!” Toko looked almost disappointed at the retort. “I’m pretty sure we just ended up here since it was more comfortable than the couch.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Toko was silent for a moment. “... you really don’t remember what happened?” she asked calmly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Komaru put her hand to her heart. “I promise.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The two rolled out of bed. Komaru offered Toko breakfast, but she said she wanted to go change at her dorm because she felt gross in her uniform. Komaru was disappointed, but she understood. It’s not like she was a fantastic chef anyways, all she would have been able to make is some Earl Grey tea and maybe a few pancakes of decent quality.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Not that she’d let herself go with anything less than perfection for her crush.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It always seemed to come back to that for her. Her </span>
  <em>
    <span>crush</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Not her friend, not Toko Fukawa, it was her crush. Someone she felt for romantically. As she ate her cereal in the silence of her dorm, she pondered what Toko was to her. She knew she was a friend, maybe something closer but still platonic. She felt awkward at the idea of kissing her, or anything romantic for that matter. It all felt wrong, invasive, perverted. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Why was she feeling this way all of a sudden? Why was this guilt piling up against her?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her phone vibrated. A notification from Toko’s fanfiction account saying there was a new update.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She turned her phone over.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>- - - - -</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Just as Toko left Komaru’s dorm, she remembered what happened the previous night.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was with completely pure intent. Komaru had fallen asleep, so she tried to carry her to the bedroom. Thankfully, Komaru wasn’t too heavy for Toko to carry. When she put the sleeping Komaru down on the bed though, her arm got trapped underneath. She couldn’t pull it out without risking waking the girl, so she— after waging war in her head about it— just decided to sleep over.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She remembered Komaru’s heartbeat. The sound of her breathing. The soft rain against the dormitory window. The star stickers plastered all across her ceiling. She remembered her own heart racing in the moment, hardly able to fall asleep. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She remembered Komaru rolling over and pulling Toko close to her like a teddy bear, and she remembered Komaru whispering “I love you, teddy,” in her ear. She remembered her heart racing, and having to stifle her giggles.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She leaned against the wall just outside of Komaru’s dorm as the previous night came back to her. Her chest ached, desperately missing the comfort she had only a few hours ago.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What is this?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She wandered back to her own dorm. After changing into more comfortable pyjamas, she grabbed her laptop from her desk and fell into bed. She began writing a new chapter for her guilty pleasure, but she couldn’t focus. All her mind wanted to think about was Komaru. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think it’s love.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She looked up at her desk to see Jack sitting in the chair. She was about to ask the figment what it meant, but just as she opened her mouth Jack vanished into the air.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She looked back down at her laptop and resumed writing. Her mind wandered as her hands hit the keys, thinking about Komaru’s eyes, her smile, her smell, the smoothness of her skin, her, her, her, her. Toko couldn’t think about anything else and before she knew it she had replaced all the names with her and Komaru’s own. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her chest ached still. She got up, bringing her laptop with her into the kitchenette. She poured herself a glass of water, chugged it in one go, and poured herself another. She still hurt. She went back through her document and with liberal use of Ctrl-F, fixed all the names so that her fanfiction was The Owl House instead of The Tokomaru House. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She liked the way their names sounded together.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She hit upload and smiled at herself, but still her chest burned. A new glass of water. Eventually she had to go to the washroom. She tossed her laptop onto her bed as she walked by her room and into the bathroom. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She called for Jack but got no response. Why was she in so much pain? Why did it hurt so much? </span>
</p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>
      <span>To Mikan Tsumiki:</span>
    </em>
    <em>
      <span><br/>
</span>
    </em>
    <em>
      <span>Hey, I know you’re busy with class but can you give me a check-up? My chest hurts like crazy but I don’t know why.</span>
    </em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>
  <span>She didn’t wait for a response. Toko simply crawled back into bed and put her laptop somewhere comfortable before going into her “To Watch” folder. Everything in there was stuff Komaru had recommended to her. Even in trying to avoid thinking about her, she still occupied every one of Toko’s thoughts in some way. She tried to push Komaru’s affiliation out of her mind as she started up a short anime titled </span>
  <em>
    <span>Yagate Kimi Ni Naru</span>
  </em>
  <span>, which translated to </span>
  <em>
    <span>Bloom Into You.</span>
  </em>
  <span> She liked flowers, so she thought it would be nice.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It wasn’t about flowers.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mikan came by halfway through the second episode. She did a quick checkup but found nothing wrong.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe you’re not drinking enough water?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I had four glasses this morning.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mikan looked puzzled. “Are you… dealing with grief? Maybe guilt?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?” Toko gave a confused glare. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sometimes grief, guilt, strong emotions in general can cause physical reactions. It’s called heartache. Does that sound like something you might be dealing with?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Komaru.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Toko shook her head. “I don’t think so. Maybe I’m just not eating right is all.” She punctuated her lie with a laugh, but Mikan did not look convinced. She sat on the edge of the bed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you ever need to talk about something, I’m your friend. I don’t know what it is you’re going through, but I’m here to help you if you need it. Okay?” Toko envied her calmness. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mikan left after a short conversation about school, and Toko returned to her show. She was only one episode in and already obsessed. She’d completely forgotten about who recommended this sapphic romance to her, engrossed in the animation.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She adored the show. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>After a few episodes, she went back to Komaru’s list. She resisted vomiting and blocking Komaru every time she saw manga. She knew Komaru was more into manga and light novels than longer pieces, but her own pretentiousness shone through the cracks in her logical thinking. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She picked one out and began reading. It had a cute title, “Can’t Defy The Lonely Girl.” It wasn’t long or completed, but the bite-sized nature meant she could probably get through it pretty quickly and send Komaru a review. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Toko refused to connect the dots.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>- - - - -</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Komaru was struggling to stay awake in class. She felt bad, her classmates were making a strong effort to do group activities and she wasn’t able to stay awake through them. She didn’t even really know what the activity was, just that she was sorely missing out. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Despite this, she was still drawing and writing in her notebook. She’d gone through two other notebooks since starting school here. She’d always been skilled at using a pen without looking at the paper. There had always been ideas flowing through her, she couldn’t help but take them down in some form. Her head rested on the desk with her open notebook next to her, free hand scribbling away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sitting out today, Naegi-chan?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She looked up. “Hello, Tenko-chan,” she mumbled into her elbow. “I didn’t sleep well last night…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re not a good liar,” Tenko said with a chuckle. Komaru heard her pull a chair up to her desk. She was right about Komaru lying. She’d slept great that night, she was just emotionally drained. Guilt wore her down and now she didn’t have any real desire to remain conscious.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I knowwwww…” she slurred.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you okay? You seem a lot worse for wear than normal. Did something happen?” Komaru rolled her head to see Tenko’s caring expression. “... was it a degenerate male?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, I’m just a terrible person.” She buried her head back in her elbow.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?” Tenko said with a laugh. “Komaru Naegi, a terrible person? You’ve gotta be joking. You’re far from terrible, you’re a great person.” Tenko rested her hand on Komaru’s back. “Why do you think you’re terrible?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Komaru rolled her head again to see if anyone was listening. They all seemed to be gathered around something across the room, but she wasn’t entirely sure what. It didn’t matter to her, just that everyone else was over there. She took a breath and sat up, stretching her arms and legs lazily. “I slept with a girl last night,” she mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You what?” Tenko exclaimed. Komaru darted to cover her mouth. Thankfully the class was so focused on their activity that they didn’t hear Tenko yell. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not like that! Like… we slept in the same bed last night, but I feel bad because I don’t remember what happened and… I think I might have pressured her into staying with me.” Komaru frowned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, it’s okay! You don’t seem like the type to pressure anyone like that. I’m sure you’re misremembering.” Tenko’s voice was soothing, but Komaru’s internalized anxiety wouldn’t let up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What if, though? What if I pressured her and now she hates me? Toko’s my—” she cut herself off abruptly, and instead of attempting to backpedal, resorted to burning her face in her arms on the desk once again. “Ughhhhh,” she groaned into her sweatshirt.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Toko, huh? That’s not really surprising.” Komaru sat back up just to scowl at Tenko, who responded with another laugh. Komaru flopped back onto the desk. “Hey, I’ve heard how you talk about her. I’ve seen you two around. It’s cute that you’re into her,” she reassured. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But she’s a girrrlllll,” she groaned. She’d never had problems with liking girls before, but rational thought was off the table in Komaru’s mind. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So what? I like girls, Tsumugi likes girls, I’m pretty sure half of this school is queer.” Komaru flinched at the word. “Sorry, I didn’t realize—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>fine</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you say so. Look, you’re far from the only one here who’s gay. We’re not going to judge you for it, so don’t beat yourself up, okay?” Komaru didn’t move or speak, but she knew Tenko’s expression was heartwarming. “Hey, look at me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Komaru sat up. She was right.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t beat yourself up. Talk to her.” Tenko said. Komaru groaned in response. “Hey, no whining. Go! You’re not really missing anything, to be honest. Kaito brought his set of Beyblades and everyone is having a nostalgia trip.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Komaru laughed. “Seriously? That’s what their ruckus is about?” The two girls giggled. “... Fine. I’ll go. Don’t tell anyone though, okay?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tenko put her hand on Komaru’s shoulder. “I won’t if you don’t want me to.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Komaru stood up, bowing thanks to Tenko before leaving the classroom. She gave a wave and a smile to her classmates as she left. As she made her way down the hall, she pulled her phone from her pocket and went to send off a text to Toko, but she saw she’d already received a lengthy paragraph from her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh no.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She stopped dead in her tracks. Her hands were shaking. Lengthy paragraphs were never good, and considering everything this must have been especially not good. She waged war in her mind about whether or not to open the message and after her deliberations, she finally clicked the notification.</span>
</p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>
      <span>From Toko Fukawa:</span>
    </em>
    <em>
      <span><br/>
</span>
    </em>
    <em>
      <span>Hey Maru, I just read all of Yagate Kimi Ni Naru. I didn’t know manga could be this sweet!! Yu and Touko are soooo cute. Did you recommend this to me because one of the character’s names is Touko? </span>
    </em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>
  <span>The message turned into a review of the manga series, and Komaru couldn’t help but laugh, both at herself and at Toko. Toko was adorable and she was so dumb for thinking Toko would be mad at her for that. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She typed out a quick message.</span>
</p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>
      <span>To Toko Fukawa:</span>
    </em>
    <em>
      <span><br/>
</span>
    </em>
    <em>
      <span>Wanna meet me at The Morning Star Cafe for something to drink?</span>
    </em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>
      <span>From Toko Fukawa:</span>
    </em>
    <em>
      <span><br/>
</span>
    </em>
    <em>
      <span>Sure, I’ll be there soon</span>
    </em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>
  <span>She put her phone away and left the school with a smile on her face.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. You Want A Song</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>“If I write it out // Will it make it easier // To say what you need from me?”</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>She happened to not be at school when she got the message. Toko was at the public library nearby looking for a specific book when Komaru messaged her.</p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>&gt; From Komaru Naegi:</em>
    <em><br/>
</em>
    <em>Wanna meet me at The Morning Star Cafe for something to drink?</em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>A smile crossed her face. It had been a little while since she’d seen Komaru, and she was excited to see her again.</p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>&gt; To Komaru Naegi:</em>
    <em><br/>
</em>
    <em>Sure, I’ll be there soon</em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>The pain in her heart returned.</p><p>“Your crush texting you, huh?” Jack’s voice surprised her. Toko flinched and then looked up to see Jack laying atop one of the bookshelves.</p><p>“She’s not my—” Toko started loudly, before whispering, “She’s not my crush, Jack.” Her arms instinctively reached for her earbuds. It became a habit whenever Jack was talking to her in public. For some reason, she couldn’t just ignore her entirely.</p><p>“Miss Morose, I know your heart better than you do.” Jack hopped down from the bookshelf. “Little miss Dekomaru is absolutely, one-hundred-percent your crush and you’re gayyyyy!!!!” She shouted for the world inside Toko’s head to hear.</p><p>Toko couldn’t help but try to shut Jack up. She’d completely forgotten that Jack couldn’t be seen or heard by anyone else until her arm went right through the imaginary friend. “Cut it out, Jack!”</p><p>Jack leaned on the bookshelf. “You can’t stop me, Miss Morose. I’m not going to stop until you admit to yourself that Komaru is your—”</p><p>Toko cut Jack off with a wave of her arm through Jack’s metaphysical form, causing Jack to vanish. Toko looked at her hand in fear. She felt disgusting.</p><p>“Komaru is your crush~!” Jack whispered from behind Toko. She jumped, spinning around to see Jack floating in the air this time. “Don’t worry, you can’t get rid of me that easily!” She laughed.</p><p>Toko stomped out of the library in a huff. Jack kept on repeating herself, but she wasn’t listening.</p><p>Soon enough, she made her way to The Morning Star Cafe. Jack had given up and disappeared again, leaving Toko alone with her thoughts.</p><p>“Hello, Toko. Can I get you anything?” a kind and familiar barista asked.</p><p>“Hey Hinata-senpai, I didn’t know you worked here.” She’d gotten better at conversation thanks to Komaru, but her heart still raced in her chest.</p><p>“Please, just Hajime is fine. What brings you here?” His voice was a little off from how he normally spoke. Normally he was calm, though kind of broody, but today he sounded much more peppy.</p><p>“A friend invited me here, is there anywhere I can sit to—”</p><p>“Toko! Hey!” Komaru chimed behind her. Before she could even turn around, her friend pounced on her back, pulling her into a hug.</p><p>“Hey, Komaru!” Toko’s voice gained a new pep as well.</p><p>“Hello, if you two would take a seat over there, I’ll be with you in just a moment.” Hajime’s smile seemed real, but his voice wasn’t. It took her a second, but Toko finally clued in that Hajime was in his customer service mode. She felt put off, but didn’t think much of it.</p><p>They took a seat near the window. Komaru tossed her bag onto the back of her chair before leaning back comfortably. “So how have you been?”</p><p>“You’re just as chipper as ever, I see. I’m… not too bad.” Toko felt the pain return again as she saw Komaru’s smile. It was so genuine and adorable. Toko felt obligated to return a smile, but she couldn’t.</p><p>“Not too bad, huh? Well tell me more! It’s been a while since I saw you, what have you been up to?” Her upbeat tone was so real, so kind and warm. Toko felt herself getting distracted in her kindness, and Jack’s words rang again in her ears. “Hey, are you okay?”</p><p>Toko realized she was frowning. “Y-yeah, I’m fine.” She was lying. She was replaying Jack’s words over and over in the back of her mind. She felt disgusting. “I-I’ve just been reading the stuff you sent me, i-it’s really good.”</p><p>“Toko, are you sure? You can tell me if you’re not feeling okay.” She should have anticipated Komaru’s perceptiveness. “What’s wrong?”</p><p>“Komaru, there’s… something I have to tell you…” She rubbed her forearm. Her body felt numb. Was she actually doing this? “I—”</p><p>“Alright ladies, what can I get you?” Hajime cut in.</p><p>‘Curse you, Hinata,’ Toko thought.</p><p>“Um… can I get a hot chocolate please?” Komaru asked. She smiled at Hajime, but just like his, her smile looked fake as well. Not the same kind of customer service fake, but it didn’t reach her eyes. She was hiding something from Toko as well.</p><p>“And you, Fukawa-san?”</p><p>“Uh… the same please.” She didn’t actually want anything, she felt like she was going to throw up whatever she consumed.</p><p>“I’ll get that for you shortly,” Hajime said before bowing and returning to the kitchen.</p><p>Toko and Komaru sat in heavy silence. It felt uncomfortable and violent until Komaru broke it. “Hey, I uh… I have something to show you.” She looked nervous, but still she reached into her bag and pulled out a notebook.</p><p>“Y-your notebook? What about it?”</p><p>“Well, I’ve been drawing in it since I started at Hope’s Peak. I wanted to show you some of my drawings, if that’s okay.” She sounded afraid of something. She flipped through the book before landing on a familiar page.</p><p>The drawing of her.</p><p>“I may have drawn a few of you. I’m sorry if that’s weird,” Komaru was blushing lightly. Toko felt something new. It felt light and floaty underneath her dark and oppressive nervousness.</p><p>Hope?</p><p>“N-no! It’s not weird!” Toko waved her arms.</p><p>“Tell her, Toko,” Jack’s voice whispered. She didn’t look around to see from where.</p><p>‘I can’t,’ she thought. ‘She’ll think I’m weird, looking through her private notebook.’</p><p>“I mean, I didn’t ask for your permission, you know?” Toko could practically feel Komaru’s heart racing through her voice.</p><p>“No! It’s fine, I think it’s cute!” Cute? Was that what she thought? The words just fell out. “The truth is… I’ve already seen it.” Words kept tumbling out. “After we ran into each other that day, I hid in your classroom and… I may have looked through your notebook and seen it. It’s a really good drawing! I really like it!” Everything fell out. Her chest felt lighter. The light floaty feeling began to grow.</p><p>“O-oh, that would explain why it was open when I came back.” Komaru rubbed the back of her head. “T-that’s not all though, I also have these ones.” She flipped through to two more drawings of Toko. One was Toko fixated on her laptop, and the other was of her smiling.</p><p>On the same page, Toko saw a small sketch of two hands holding. She wondered if that might have been connected.</p><p>“I don’t really know what to say. T-thank you? Those are really good, and I really appreciate them.” Toko couldn’t stop the flow of her feelings. Komaru took a sip from her hot chocolate. “Wait, when did you get that?” She looked around frantically to see Hajime behind the counter.</p><p>He winked.</p><p>“Sly bastard,” she muttered.</p><p>“Honestly, I don’t know. It just kind of… appeared here.” She took another sip. Toko took a sip from her own hot chocolate. A small part of her wondered if she’d get magic powers from it, since it managed to appear in front of her without her noticing.</p><p>“L-listen, I have something to tell you.” Jack’s voice continued to spiral in her mind. ‘Tell her, tell her, tell her, tell her,’ on an endless loop. “I think… I think I like you.”</p><p>- - - - -</p><p>Toko had been blushing the entire time they were together. Komaru didn’t understand why until she said it. She didn’t know how to react.</p><p>“W-well of course, we’re best friends right?” She felt terrible for her instincts. Toko had just shed her defenses for her and she couldn’t even do the same. She felt the exact same way, but her body refused to let her admit it.</p><p>“B-best friends? N-no, that’s not what I meant, Komaru…” Her blush vanished. Komaru knew she messed up, but she couldn’t bring herself to say it.</p><p>Suddenly, her phone rang. It was a call from Makoto asking her to come back to the dorms ASAP. She didn’t get the chance to get a word in, Makoto spoke so fast and then hung up. “I’m so sorry, I need to go. I’ll… I’ll text you?” She could feel her heart cracking like glass.</p><p>Toko pushed her fingers together. “... yeah. I’ll text you later, Komaru. See you.” She gave a small but warm smile. Komaru’s heart completely shattered.</p><p>It wasn’t even an emergency. Yasuhiro foresaw, “danger in Komaru’s future, tell her to come home!”</p><p>“Are you kidding me? You brought me home because of some prediction from ‘Mr. 30% Accurate’ over there?” She gestured angrily to a meek Yasuhiro seated on the couch in the Second Year common area. “That was the emergency?”</p><p>“Sorry! I just didn’t want to take any chances, you could have been hurt!” Makoto waved his hands in front of him in defense. There were only two other people in the common room, but they seemed distracted by something else to listen to them bicker.</p><p>“Well, maybe because of you, I was hurt. I was with someone and they told me something important, and I had to rush off and didn’t get to say goodbye. Thanks.” She felt herself tearing up as she yelled. Her voice was breaking.</p><p>“So I was right! You did get hurt! My predic—” Yasuhiro began, but Komaru cut him off by tossing a throw pillow his way. She was furious and wasn’t going to be so easily forgiving.</p><p>“It’s <em>your fault </em>that this happened!” She stepped towards Yasuhiro. She could feel the gazes of other people on her but she was too angry to care. He cowered behind the pillow she threw at him. “It’s your fault I had to hurt her. She broke her heart to tell me what she did and I had to leave bec—”</p><p>“Komaru? What are you doing?” Toko’s voice was quiet, yet deafening under her shrieking.</p><p>She froze. “Toko, I—” She started, but she couldn’t face her. First, she had to run off, and now she was just caught screaming at one of Toko’s classmates.</p><p>She swallowed hard and stormed out of the room, bumping past Makoto on her way out.</p><p>She refused to even look Toko in the eye.</p><p>- - - - -</p><p>“Makoto, what did you do?” Toko demanded.</p><p>“I—”</p><p>“Actually, save it. I don’t care.” Toko ran past him to her room. The second she got in her room she locked the door.</p><p>She walked slowly into her room. She caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror as she passed, seeing tear-stained cheeks and bloodshot eyes. She fell face first into her pillow and began to scream.</p><p>Today was the worst.</p><p>Komaru wouldn’t even look at her anymore.</p><p>
  <em>She was a monster.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>=====</em>
</p><p>Eventually, she woke up. She didn’t even realize she’d fallen asleep. Her pillow was damp with her tears, and a pain she’d forgotten returned in her heart.</p><p>Her heart ached.</p><p>She checked her phone. Twelve messages and three missed calls from Komaru, but she didn’t want to read any of them. She swiped them away and rolled back over in her bed. It was barely 9pm, she’d wasted away the afternoon. She had no reason to get out of bed again. It wasn’t worth it.</p><p>Her phone pinged. A notification from her fanfiction, a comment.</p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>&gt; From Adorasimp2003:</em>
    <em><br/>
</em>
    <em>Im so gay i love this so much oh my gooooooood</em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>It wasn’t Komaru. She didn’t care. She had half a mind to delete the fic entirely, since at this point she’d only been writing for Komaru. She loved reading the enthusiastic comments and replies from her. She always imagined them in her voice, seeing her do the thing with her hands when she was excited. She was adorable.</p><p>“She didn’t even look at me.”</p><p>Her voice echoed into the empty room. She stared up at the ceiling, hoping maybe it would crash down on her and crush her until she slept again. She didn’t even have thoughts anymore, really. All she could think about was Komaru. She hated it.</p><p>She closed her eyes and pulled the covers over her face, hoping she could block it out. Her cute smile, her pretty hair, her soft hands. They shone through. Her tear-stained cheeks, her storming away, her refusing to look. They wouldn’t go away. Everything good, everything bad, she couldn’t stop seeing them.</p><p>She screamed into the empty room. She screamed and cried and yelled expletives until her voice gave way to nothing. She shrieked her heart out, tears searing lines into her face as they raced away. Everything hurt. Her hands, Komaru’s soft touch still lingering, burning. Her chest and back, the soft and warm embrace from the times Komaru hugged her, now crushing her. Everywhere she touched, she hurt.</p><p>A knock at the door. She didn’t answer it. The knock repeated once, twice, thrice. Eventually she heard the door open. She remembered locking it. A fear sank into her chest.</p><p>She pulled the covers over herself in a desperate attempt to hide, knowing it wouldn’t work but hoping for the best anyways.</p><p>“Fukawa, are you alright?” A concerned voice broke the silence of the room. Toko rolled over to see Kyoko Kirigiri standing in her doorway. It was dark, but she could still see the outline of a lockpick in Kyoko’s hand.</p><p>“... Why?” She begged.</p><p>“The rooms may be audio insulated, but they’re not perfectly soundproof. I could hear you crying from my room next door.” Kyoko put the lockpick in her pocket and stepped forward, taking a seat on the bed. “I’m not great with emotions, but if you need to, you can talk to me.”</p><p>Toko rolled over. “G-go away. I’m a monster,” she huffed. Her tears burned.</p><p>“I don’t think I agree,” Kyoko said calmly. She felt Kyoko’s gloved hand on her shoulder, but didn’t roll over to face her. “I think you’re a wonderfully bright and talented young girl, far from a monster.”</p><p>“You don’t know that!” She cried out. She turned to face Kyoko. Her tears stung in her eyes and on her cheeks, but she couldn’t care less. “You don’t know what kind of disgusting things I’ve done! I’m a <em>monster!</em>” She looked to the door to see Aoi and Sakura peaking in, but they darted away when they saw her. She got up and walked to her door, slamming it loudly before falling back into her bed. Kyoko still sat in her spot.</p><p>“And what kinds of disgusting things would that be, Fukawa?” The question felt like a bullet right through her chest. She choked and began coughing frantically, but Kyoko didn’t move. “... This is regarding Naegi’s sister, isn’t it?” Her tone was almost bitter.</p><p>“What about it?” Toko spat upon catching her breath. “So what if it has to do with her?”</p><p>Kyoko wouldn’t face Toko. “You fell in love, didn’t you?”</p><p>Toko’s heart jumped. “How—”</p><p>“A simple deduction, really. Makoto told me Komaru wouldn’t stop talking about you, and was so excited to see you before she came here.” Her words were reassuring, but her tone was laced with anger. “You two spent a lot of time together and you fell head over heels, am I wrong?”</p><p>“I—”</p><p>“If I recall as well, you spent the night at her dorm.” Kyoko still wouldn’t turn her way. Toko was deeply afraid. “You were also with her today, am I wrong?” Toko didn’t even get to answer before Kyoko finally turned to face her. She was crying, and her jaw was clenched. “You think that makes you a monster, huh?”</p><p>“Kyoko, I—” She reached her hand out for the white haired girl, but let it drop.</p><p>“If that makes you a monster, then what does that make me?” Her voice got louder. “What does it make me, Toko? Why does it—” She stopped. She stood up.</p><p>“Kyoko, I’m sorry…” Toko whispered. “I didn’t know.”</p><p>Kyoko’s fists were clenched, but as silence fell between them she took a breath and relaxed her hands. “I’m… sorry you had to see that. I’ve been holding that in for quite some time.” Kyoko sat down on the bed and Toko sat up next to her.</p><p>“I’m so sorry, I didn’t realize—” She started.</p><p>“It’s not your fault, Fukawa. I think we both have some issues.” She looked to Toko sullenly. “You don’t think I’m a monster, do you?”</p><p>Toko felt worried. “W-why would I? You’re my f-friend.”</p><p>Kyoko chuckled. “Because I love girls, like you.” She wiped away a stray tear. Despite having just been crying and screaming, she still looked gorgeous.</p><p>Toko stared in disbelief. She couldn’t think of the right words to say. She’d just spouted off that she felt like a monster, and she would be lying if she said she didn’t still feel that way.</p><p>“You’re not a monster.” She couldn’t handle her situation. She wanted only to crawl under her bed and rot away, but she pushed through. “You’re not a monster, Kyoko.”</p><p>“Then why are you?” She asked. She’d almost fully regained her composure. If Toko weren’t busy feeling abysmal, she’d be amazed.</p><p>She stayed silent. She couldn’t put her logic into words, but she knew in her heart that her actions made her disgusting. She couldn’t stop feeling this way, it clung to her like a virus.</p><p>“... You should probably answer your phone sometime, Toko.” With that, Kyoko stood up and left. As she went out the door, she saw Asahina and Ogami greet her before she closed the door. She looked down at her phone and saw Komaru’s name on her caller display.</p><p>Her hands shook as she reached for the phone, as she held it in front of her. She was terrified.</p><p>She hung up and tossed her phone onto the carpeted floor.</p><p>It rang again. And again. It was hard to believe it ever even stopped. She buried her face in the pillow attempting to drown out the sound of it vibrating.</p><p>Her ringtone being that stupid show’s theme song didn’t help. She never had her phone off silent, how was it ringing? Was this Kyoko’s doing?</p><p>Before she even realized it, she was holding the phone in her hands ready to hang up and power it down.</p><p>Her thumb met the screen. She held it there for what felt like an eternity, trying to decide between hanging up and answering.</p><p>She slid her thumb up.</p><p>“... Hello?”</p><p>- - - - -</p><p>“Holy shit, you finally picked up! Are you okay? I thought you might have—” Komaru began rambling. Her heart was racing, she’d almost drawn blood from stress scratching her leg.</p><p>“What do you want, Komaru?” Toko’s voice was broken and emotionless.</p><p>“I just wanted to apologize. I’m sorry you had to see me like that in front of your classmates, it must have been embarrassing.” She scratched the back of her head and laughed into the mic.</p><p>“Yeah… embarrassing…” Toko sounded like she was on the verge of letting herself fall into a bottomless pit. Her voice was drained, lifeless.</p><p>“Hey, are you okay? You sound—”</p><p>“I’m <em>fine,</em>” She growled. Komaru could feel something visceral through the speaker. She wasn’t fine.</p><p>“You don’t sound fine… I’m coming over. I want to make sure you’re alright with my own two eyes. I’ll see you in a bit!” She heard Toko’s protests before she hung up. With a hop in her step, she grabbed her things and reached for the door handle.</p><p><em>“It’s your fault that this happened!” </em>Her own voice echoed in her head. She stopped at the door. When she got back to her dorm, she tried to distract herself from what had happened, but she couldn’t hold out forever.</p><p>She remembered the look on Toko’s face. The pure fear and dread as she left the dorm without saying anything. She remembered the sound of her voice as she spoke.</p><p>
  <em>“Komaru? What are you doing?”</em>
</p><p>She’d put off dealing with this but it caught up. She had to confront the fact that Toko saw her at her absolute lowest, and now was the time.</p><p>Her hand dropped from the door. She remembered the screaming. The crying, the throwing, the yelling. Everything she’d done just a few hours prior. Makoto and Yasuhiro both apologised over text afterwards, and she returned the gesture, but she couldn’t get a hold of Toko.</p><p>“Toko hates me,” She muttered into the empty room. It was barely a whisper but the words were deafening. She shook her head to dispel the thought. “No she doesn’t, if she did, she would tell me, right?” She asked the empty room. She opened the door and started down the hall.</p><p>Despite her efforts, she still spiraled. She felt off balance as she made her way through the first year's common room and off in the direction of Toko’s dorm. Her head was spinning and she nearly tripped more than once on her way there.</p><p>Why was she going again? Toko hated her.</p><p>“No she doesn’t,” She muttered to herself. Her thoughts continued to swirl and tangle in her mind.</p><p>Eventually, her thoughts cleared and she was at Toko’s door.</p><p>She was crying.</p><p>She knocked.</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Fortified</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>“The finest little details make themselves all known to me.”</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Toko opened the door. She looked miserable. Her eyes were red and tear stains coated her soft cheeks. “What do you want?” she growled. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, I just… wanted to make sure you were okay.” Komaru was drenched from the rain walking between the dorm buildings, despite it hardly being a two minute walk. She could still hear the rain pounding on the roof of the dorm building. “Can I… come in?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Toko stepped out of the way without a word. Komaru stepped into the dark dorm room and removed her soaked coat and sneakers. “Do you want anything?” Toko asked. She sounded resentful, but Komaru couldn’t place why. Or rather, she </span>
  <em>
    <span>wouldn’t</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh… maybe some hot chocolate?” She felt guilty asking. “Wait, I’m checking in on you! I’ll make the hot choco, you sit down.” She ushered Toko to the couch and went into the kitchen. She turned a light on and grabbed the kettle to fill it with water before it occurred to her that her hands were shaking. A lot.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She filled the kettle and set it down to boil before leaning against the counter. She felt lightheaded, and her heart was pounding an unrelenting rhythm. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>- - - - -</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So… how are you—” Komaru started from the kitchen.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m </span>
  <em>
    <span>fine,</span>
  </em>
  <span> like I said. I don’t need you here to take care of me, Naegi-san.” Toko refused even a glance. With every word her chest ached more and more, but she needed to do this. She hated it, but she needed Komaru away from her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She couldn’t hurt her friend. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe… maybe not, but I’m your friend, Toko. It’s my job to take care of you when you’re not doing okay.” She heard Komaru come out of the kitchen and place two mugs of hot chocolate on the coffee table. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Toko’s vision didn’t stray from her knees. “No it’s not, Naegi-san. I can take care of myself just fi—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I wanted to see you, Toko!” Komaru shouted. Toko could tell she was crying without looking. The way her voice broke made it obvious. It stung like a knife. “Why is that so bad?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t want to see </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Naegi-san.” She finally looked up. She was right, Komaru was crying. Her cheeks were bright red from the cold, making her the stains from her tears much more obvious. Her eyes were bloodshot and shaky, and her hands wouldn’t stay still as she held the hot mug.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>- - - - -</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Toko was crying as well. Komaru’s heart shattered. Her warped mind told her this is what she deserved but she still hurt. “W-why?” She could barely even speak.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Toko looked away again. She didn’t answer. Komaru knew she deserved this.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why, Toko? What’s wrong? Please tell me!” She cried out. Her voice was shredded and tight. She felt like she was screaming just to be audible over the painful ringing in her ears telling her this is what she was owed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How can you even look at me?!” Toko screamed, shooting up from the couch. Her voice rang out in the room, echoing through Komaru’s mind. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Komaru was shaking, unable to speak the words that came to mind. ‘Because I love you,’ she thought. ‘Because I care about you, because you’re my best friend, because because</span>
  <em>
    <span> because</span>
  </em>
  <span>.’ </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You think I’m disgusting, don’t you?” Toko stared directly down at her, tear-soaked eyes unwavering. “You think I’m a horrible little </span>
  <em>
    <span>dyke</span>
  </em>
  <span>, is that it?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>‘I think you’re the most talented girl I’ve ever met.’ Komaru’s voice screamed from the inside of her head. Her lips wouldn’t move. Her throat was closed, she couldn’t breathe. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well? Say something!” She couldn’t. She felt herself chained to the ocean floor, drowned by the weight of her actions. “Say something, Komaru!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She didn’t even realize Toko was looking right at her. She was staring at the floor, guilt and shame acting as weights on her neck and spine. She wasn’t strong enough to say what she thought.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please.” Toko was quiet now. Behind the rightful screaming and anger was someone vulnerable. She was afraid, terrified probably, but she was still brave.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Komaru wished that could be her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry,” she croaked out. It was hardly a whisper. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, </span>
  <em>
    <span>I’m sorry, I’m sorry,</span>
  </em>
  <span>” she repeated over and over, louder and louder until she felt like she was screaming. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You… you’re sorry? But… but I’m the one who hurt you… right?” Komaru finally looked up. Toko was looking right at her, fear and anger in her eyes, but behind them was a small sliver of hope. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, you didn’t! You could never hurt me!” Komaru’s voice was quiet, but she still latched onto the hope. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Th-then why wouldn’t you look at me then?” Toko’s eyes were beautiful.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because I was ashamed of myself! I was afraid!” Komaru exclaimed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Afraid of what?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Komaru blanked. “I… I don’t even remember.” She laughed at herself, almost hysterically.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-why are you laughing?” Toko’s cheeks were red. “I thought you hated me!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Toko, I could never hate you.” Her throat ached. “I… I love you too, Toko.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>- - - - -</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Toko’s heart rate skyrocketed. “You… what?” Disbelief took over her rage and despair. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I love you, Toko.” Komaru repeated. The pain in her chest began to dissipate. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-why?” Toko was in complete disbelief. Komaru looked at her with such caring eyes, and she couldn’t comprehend any of it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re… you’re just </span>
  <em>
    <span>amazing</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” Komaru looked at her, starry-eyed. “You’re talented and smart and… really pretty, too… it’s hard not to fall in love with you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But I’m a girl! You can’t—” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She was cut off by the warm feeling of Komaru’s lips against hers. It was brief, but the short moment felt like an eternity. Comfort and calm and warmth washed over her in that instant. She felt… peaceful.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Toko’s mind cleared of anything not Komaru. When Komaru leaned back away, the peace was gone. She felt empty again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry!! I thought, when we were at the cafe, and what you said earlier about being a…” Komaru trailed off. “I don’t want to say it, it’s a mean word.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Toko couldn’t help but laugh at Komaru’s innocence. It started small but within seconds, she was nearly on the floor and gasping for breath. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey! Why are you laughing?” Komaru sounded genuinely hurt and Toko felt bad, but couldn’t stop her laughter. “Toko…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“S-sorry, I just thought it was… cute, how innocent you are. It caught me off guard is all.” Toko didn’t know where this new confidence came from but she didn’t mind it. “You’re right, though, about what I said at the coffee shop and when I said I was a dyke. I’m… I think I’m gay,” Toko said. She noticed Komaru flinch again and realized something. “You don’t like that word, do you?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Komaru shook her head. “It’s mean.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well… yeah, I guess. Sorry, I won’t use it around you if you don’t want me to.” Toko felt out of character, like she was a completely different person. It wasn’t a bad thing, really. “Hey… can you…” She pressed her fingers together. The confidence vanished like a light and she was back to her normal self. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Komaru looked on with curious eyes. “Can I…?” Toko’s heart raced in her chest. She couldn’t find the words she’d written so many times before in pen on paper and skin. It was a word she knew so well, but it had vanished from her dictionary.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry…” Toko muttered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“For wh—” Before Komaru could finish, Toko leaned in with a kiss. The familiar comfort washed over her again. The kiss itself wasn’t anything to write home about, but the fact that it was Komaru made her feel an infinite level of calm. A few seconds later, she broke away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“For that,” she mumbled, her cheeks hot. Komaru was bright pink as well. Komaru picked up her forgotten mug from the coffee table and took a sip from her hot chocolate— which was somehow still hot— to hide her face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I don’t mind…” Komaru’s stutter was adorable. “S-so… does that mean… are we g-g-girlfriends?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Komaru was visibly nervous. Toko felt like she’d just sprinted a marathon in the blazing sun. The two of them made one hell of a Zoloft prescription; she’d be surprised if either of them wasn’t nervous at any given time. “If… if that’s what you want to be. I like you a lot, Komaru. If that’s what you’d like, I’ll be your girlfriend.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Komaru gripped her sleeve. “I think I’d like that.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Toko suddenly realized that Komaru was drenched and shivering, not from sweat and anxiety, but from the rain outside. “Oh my god, I just realized you’re soaking wet! Go take a shower, I’ll bring you some clean clothes!” She ushered Komaru into the bathroom. “You’ll catch cold if you don’t, hurry up! I can wash your clothes, just leave them next to the door and I’ll take them down to the laundry!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Just as Toko was about to run to her bedroom to get a clean set of pyjamas, Komaru grabbed her arm. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“T-thank you, Toko.” Her voice was still ragged, but it was sweet. Toko’s heart jumped in her chest.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“D-don’t mention it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Komaru closed the door and a few seconds later Toko heard the shower turn on. She walked into her bedroom before realizing something important.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She didn’t have clean clothes. She’d never done laundry in her life.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey, Toko! What a surprise, what brings you here?” Chihiro asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well…” Toko pressed her fingers together. “I need to borrow some clothes. N-n-not for me! They’re for K-Komaru, she came here in the rain and… yeah.” She wasn’t the closest of friends with Chihiro, making things incredibly awkward, but she knew Chihiro was the closest to Komaru’s size without going to the second year’s dorm. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, okay! I can get you something like that, do you want to come in while you wait?” Her voice was so incredibly sweet, it hurt. Toko nodded and Chihiro gave way to allow her to pass.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, evening, Fukawa,” Mukuro said from the couch. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I hope you don’t mind her being here,” Chihiro said with a smile. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“N-no, it’s fine. Uh… I-I’ll just need a shirt, some p-p-pants, and a hoodie if th-that’s alright.” She felt uncomfortable without Komaru by her side. Komaru always made her feel calm, and now with all the feelings in front of her, it made sense why. Toko still grappled with how she was going to deal with everyone else. Japan, let alone the world, had not historically been inviting to those loving of the same gender.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can do that! I’ll be right back.” Chihiro walked into her bedroom to grab some clothes. When they first met, Chihiro had always worn cute dresses, thigh-highs, the typical cutesy fashion. Now, she was a bit more open with her wardrobe. She’d been wearing ripped jeans and a hoodie when Toko knocked on her door. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She also noted some physical changes, too. Her voice was a little different, and she seemed to have more of a chest and hips than she did a year ago. She looked happy, if Toko was being honest with herself. It was heartwarming to see.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Here you are!” She handed over a stack of clothing to Toko. “Don’t worry about bringing them back or anything; I’ve got a lot of hoodies and jeans.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Y-yeah…” Toko felt a pressure in her heart. It was curiosity, a dangerous temptation, but she needed to know. “H-hey, how do you… do it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“T-Toko? What do you mean?” Chihiro looked confused, almost shocked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“L-l-like, how do you deal with p-people hating you j-j-just for being who you are?” She felt a sickening sense that she’d made a mistake. Mukuro had been quietly drinking tea in the background, but when Toko asked her question she froze. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Chihiro took a seat on the edge of the couch. “It’s… not easy. It was a lot of effort to get as far as I am, and… I wouldn’t have been able to do it alone.” She played with a ring on her finger and looked over to Mukuro. “I just sort of… try not to let it get to me. They don’t know what they’re talking about. What makes me happy doesn’t affect them, and that includes how I identify. Does that answer your question?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Y-yeah, t-thank you.” She bowed to the girl. “S-sorry for interrupting your date! I’ll be g-going now.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mukuro choked on her tea and began laughing. Chihiro turned beet red as well, stifling a giggle. “We- we’re not dating, Toko. We’re just friends,” she admitted. “You’re the first person to say that, actually. I don’t know how you could think we’re dating.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I feel like I see you two together all the time, so…” She looked away. “Sorry. Thanks for the clothes, it means a lot. And… thanks for the advice as well.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t mention it. You should hurry up, I don’t think your friend in your dorm is going to be showering forever.” Toko nodded and rushed out the door, turning to bow thanks on her way out before sprinting back to her dorm. It was hardly fifty feet, but she was out of breath when she got to the door.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>- - - - -</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Komaru was soaking under the warm water when she heard the door to the dorm open. She knew Toko had bad hygiene habits, so she just assumed Toko was going to wash or borrow clothes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It felt weird to be showering here. She felt exposed, which made sense since she was literally naked in her crush’s room. She tried not to think too hard about it as she lathered soap across her skin. Still, showers were notorious for drawing out the piled-up thoughts from the day, and she couldn’t stop thinking about Toko.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She imagined Toko in the shower with her, before squealing and nearly dropping the shampoo. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her ears felt hot, but she didn’t feel unsafe or uncomfortable like before. Sure, it was awkward, but now everything was on the table and could be dealt with properly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She reminisced on her kiss with Toko. Every hug she’d given, all the little touches from times they’d hung out. Toko might not have looked it at first, but Komaru realized she was really physically affectionate. It was really cute, Komaru thought.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>If only Toko would take a shower. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She heard the dorm room door open again, and a few seconds later, the bathroom door opened as well. She peeked out of the shower to see Toko reaching in for Komaru’s clothes and placing a clean selection of clothing in its place. Komaru had stewed enough for one night, so she decided to get out and dry off.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>- - - - -</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Whose clothes are these?” Komaru inquired. She looked good in ripped jeans.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh… mine?” Toko lied. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Toko, I heard you leave and come back. Whose clothes am I wearing?” She looked really good in ripped jeans. How many pairs of ripped jeans did Chihiro own? Why?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ch-Chihiro Fujisaki’s; she was the closest to your size.” Toko pushed her fingers together nervously. “Th-they look good on you, though.” Her face warmed up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks, Toko. I’ll have to thank Chihiro as well later, since these are really comfortable.” She smiled. It was adorable. Toko struggled to resist pouncing on her and just falling asleep on her chest because she looked really comfortable in her hoodie. It was a slightly oversized yellow hoodie with a graphic of the Japanese Pokemon Yellow title screen, and it looked like it felt amazing. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I bet, you look comfortable.” Toko sipped her hot chocolate. She wasn’t sitting near Komaru, her awkwardness thriving in situations like these. The moment was comfortable, but there was a lingering tension in the air. Unresolved questions flowed through Toko’s mind, and she was sure Komaru felt the same. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m very comfortable; I can’t imagine how nice Chihiro’s other hoodies are if this is the one he chose to give me.” Toko flinched. She’d gotten so used to hearing Chihiro referred to as she, she’d forgotten that some people didn’t know. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh, it’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>she</span>
  </em>
  <span>, actually,” she corrected.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“O-oh? I thought—” Komaru started. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Chihiro’s a girl, please refer to her that way,” Toko said. She felt like she came off angry, and backtracked. “Sorry, there was a big falling-out a while back involving her and Junko and a couple others from our class. I guess the tension isn’t quite gone yet.” Toko laughed awkwardly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-it’s okay! I genuinely didn’t know, honest. I think it’s really cool that she’s living her life like that!” Toko had learned Komaru’s mannerisms well. She sounded genuine enough, but there were hints of confusion in her voice. She decided to leave it for now; it wasn’t something she should press. “Hey, by the way, have you ever used that shampoo?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Toko tensed up. “W-what? O-of course I have! I w-w-wash my hair everyday!” She said defensively. She knew her blatant lies weren’t any good against Komaru, but her habits would die hard. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Toko, I know you’re lying. It would mean a lot to me if you took better care of yourself, and that means showering at least every day.” Komaru feigned sadness. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Toko scowled. “You’re using my affection for you against me, aren’t you.” It wasn’t a question, she knew the answer. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Komaru nodded with a smile. Toko ducked her head awkwardly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, hey, it’s almost 10pm… I think I should get back to my dorm.” She stood up and walked towards the door. “I’ll… I’ll see you tomorrow?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Toko was silent. She didn’t want to sound clingy by asking Komaru to stay, but she didn’t want her to go. She felt cold, like the sun was vanishing. There was even a tinge of sadness in Komaru’s voice to make it hurt just a little bit more. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“... Toko?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“... It’s still raining, you’ll just end up soaked again.” The rain had lightened up but was still present, but Toko needed an excuse for her to stay.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can just borrow one of the dorm umbrellas, you know. Unless…” Toko could hear her smirk. “You </span>
  <em>
    <span>want </span>
  </em>
  <span>me to stay, don’t you?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“N-no, I just don’t want you getting sick.” This was probably the perfect moment for Jack to chime in and tell her to be honest, but for some reason she didn’t appear. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you sure?” Komaru asked softly. She sat against the arm of the couch. “If you want me to stay, I can stay.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Toko was silent again. She was in her own head hyping herself up, but the blistering quiet still felt like an eternity before she spoke. “... Please stay.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Komaru moved to sit down next to Toko, resting her head on the girl’s shoulder. “Okay.” Her warmth returned. The room was quiet, but no longer blistering or deafening. It was peaceful. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eventually, they moved to Toko’s bedroom and awkwardly changed into sleeping clothes before crawling into the bed. Toko rested her head on Komaru’s chest. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you,” she mumbled into the dark.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“For?” Toko could hear Komaru’s breathing, so calm and soothing, and she felt herself falling asleep at the sound of it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“For everything.”</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. When You're Grown</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>“Our eyes never meet, and you pretend. // The constant terror of just existing.”</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Komaru didn’t think she had a problem with internalized homophobia. She was very okay with her love for women, and that she was most likely a lesbian, but for some reason sitting in class that day around everyone made her feel a new form of anxiety she’d never experienced. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, Komaru! You’re up!” Kaito Momoda said, snapping his fingers at her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She jumped. Komaru had been so lost in her own thoughts, she’d completely forgotten about the game around her. “Y-yeah, sorry.” She placed down a </span>
  <em>
    <span>+4</span>
  </em>
  <span> card on the Uno pile in front of her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you kidding me?!” Tenko yelled. “Ughhhhh!” She expelled her frustration as she drew four cards from the pile. Komaru smiled, but not for long. Her anxiety creeped back in. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Play cycled round and round, with her spacing in and out until finally—</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uno.” Rantaro spoke. His voice was devoid of emotion, but he wore a devious smile. The rest of the table looked to him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re joking.” Kokichi bit. “You’ve got to be joking. Again?” Rantaro had won the past four games in a row, and it seemed like he wasn’t stopping.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ugh, not again!” Complaints rounded the small desk. Kaito, Tenko, and Kokichi attempted to rally together to stop Rantaro from winning his fifth consecutive round, but he had a wild card, nullifying their attempts. Komaru was still completely zoned out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The game ended, and Kaito was dealing in a new deck when Komaru stood up. “I’m heading to the washroom; you can play this round without me.” She didn’t stick around to hear their responses. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>As she was about to walk out the door, someone grabbed her wrist. She turned to see Kaede gripping her by the sleeve. “Wait up, I’ll join you,” she said. The words themselves held little meaning, but Kaede had a look in her eyes that worried her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You feeling alright?” Kaede asked as they walked through the halls. Komaru’s hands were in the pockets of her hoodie, playing with the keys to her dorm.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Y-yeah, I’m… no. I’m not alright.” Kaede, Tsumugi, Tenko, and plenty of people from her class had been nothing but nice to her, so why was she so scared? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“... Do you want to talk about it?” Kaede slowed as they reached the stairwell. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Komaru sat down and pulled her knees up to her chest as she leaned against the wall. Kaede joined her, taking the time to smooth out her very nice skirt. “I’m just scared, for some reason.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Scared? Of what?” There was no laugh, no judgement. Kaede was sincere. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m just worried about if people find out about… </span>
  <em>
    <span>me and Toko</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” she mumbled. Her instinct to hide her relationship from a close and dear friend concerned the self aware pieces of her mind.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaede gasped quietly. “You finally got together! Congratulations, Komaru!” Her sincere glee was heartwarming, but it wasn’t as contagious as it normally would have been.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks, but I don’t know if everyone is going to feel that way.” She hugged her legs tight against her. “I’ve never really had a problem with this until last night. It’s… weird. I don’t like this.” She heard her voice quiver, and her eyes began to water. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaede leaned forward. “How do you feel about Toko?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you mean?” Komaru looked at Kaede through tearing eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaede looked at Komaru solemnly. “Well, do you like her? Do you dislike her? Come on, I need something to work with.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Komaru smiled a bit, but just for a moment. “I… I love her. I love her a lot, she’s so… nice and sweet, and she cares about people, and she’s just so… </span>
  <em>
    <span>so good</span>
  </em>
  <span>, you know?” Her throat hurt.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I do know.” Kaede nodded. “I think you’re scared of losing her, Komaru. It sounds like, in your head, if people find out about you two, you’ll have to separate. You’re afraid of having to let her go, aren’t you?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Komaru thought for a moment. The pieces began to fall into place, and as glad as she was for answers, it still didn’t make the pain go away. She sat quietly, resting her face on her knees. Kaede didn’t move, and didn’t say anything. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you going to be okay?” Kaede finally said. Komaru lifted her head from her knees and nodded, before standing up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll be fine. Thank you.” She reached down to help Kaede up, but her hand was pushed away. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright, then, let’s get you a snack. You deserve it.” They began to walk to the cafeteria, and Komaru felt herself smiling. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>- - - - -</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Fukawa-san, are you okay? You’ve been shaking all morning.” Kyoko sat in front of her and posed the question in a friendly but concerned tone. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Y-yeah, I’m fine.” She wasn’t, not really. Sure, she was with her teenage heartthrob in a romantic relationship, but what did that mean? Toko had confessed her love to plenty of boys before, but they’ve never reciprocated it like Komaru. What did it mean for her now? Where was she?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t think you’re fine, Fukawa-san, we should take you to the nurse’s off—” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I said I’m </span>
  <em>
    <span>fine</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” She couldn’t feel how clenched her jaw was, but it was obvious in her voice. She’d been writing something, but her hands were shaking so much that the pen marks just turned to scribbles instead of anything meaningful. She put the pen down and took a breath. “Okay. Let’s go.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She stood up from her desk and Kyoko followed suit. As they began to walk, Toko’s legs felt weak and her head felt light. Kyoko instantly reached out to support Toko before she collapsed to the ground. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re definitely not okay. Have you been drinking water?” Kyoko asked, sitting her down in the nurse’s office. She didn’t even remember half the walk there. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“N-no, not really.” Toko was too exhausted to lie. She was still shaking. The room was spinning around her, orbiting her like a satellite. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m going to get you some water, don’t move.” With that, Kyoko walked off.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Naturally, Toko immediately started to move, standing up to find somewhere to lay down. Her vision was clouded by emptiness, like her eyes simply stopped working, and eventually she was on the floor. She tried to get up, but her arms were weak and she couldn’t push herself off the ground. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eventually she heard Kyoko’s voice again. “Fukawa-san, what did I tell you?” She heard Kyoko’s footsteps approach over the ringing in her ears, and soon enough she was laying down in a bed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Th-thanks.” She struggled to speak, her heart and mind and everything was racing. She felt scared, but she didn’t know why.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is she okay?” A voice spoke. Toko couldn’t see who it was, trying to focus on her breathing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She’s having a panic attack, I’m pretty sure,” Kyoko answered. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m fine, Kyoko,” she grunted. Toko was lying through her teeth. The bitter feeling of fear seeped into her skull, but she didn’t want to admit it that she was scared. She was only scared of whatever was happening to her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She felt a hand on her shoulder. It was warm and gentle. “Breath, Toko. You’re safe. Just focus on breathing, in… and out… just like that.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She followed the voice’s instructions. Soon enough her vision cleared and she could finally see the world around her. Mukuro Ikusaba was standing over her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you feeling better?” Mukuro asked. She handed Toko a bottle of water, and Toko sat up to drink it. She was still dizzy, but it wasn’t as bad as before. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I think so, what was that?” Her head was throbbing, and her heart was still pounding, but she felt like she was cooling down. Toko began to chug the bottle. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It was a panic attack, like I said,” Kyoko answered, stepping back into the room with another bottle of water. Toko hadn’t heard her leave, but she must have been too focused on not dying.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“B-but why?” Deep down, Toko knew the answer. She knew it was to do with Komaru, but she cared too much for her new girlfriend to admit that. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Girlfriend. The word felt off, a jolt of electricity through her body, both painful and exhilarating. It was something she’d have to get used to.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If I had to guess, it’s because of Komaru. Am I wrong?” Of course, Toko should have expected Kyoko would know exactly what the problem was. She was a detective, afterall. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Toko didn’t answer her question, instead responding, “I don’t want to talk about that, if that’s okay.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, Kyoko, drop it,” Mukuro teased. Kyoko stared daggers back at the girl. “... Sorry, babe.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Toko realized Mukuro’s shirt was slightly unbuttoned and made an unnecessary effort to avert her eyes. She respected women, afterall. It definitely wasn’t an internalized disgust towards the female body in lieu of letting herself experience sapphic attraction. Not at all, she told herself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you want to talk about it, we’ll listen to you. If I’m right, we’ve both been through what you’re going through, and we want to help you.” Kyoko put a hand on Toko’s, and she resisted the urge to pull away. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Th-thanks, Kyoko, but I think I want to work through this myself.” She wasn’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>lying,</span>
  </em>
  <span> per se. She wanted to work through her problems herself because she hated feeling like a burden, but technicalities here and there stated that they’re the same thing. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you sure?” Mukuro asked. Toko remembered her being a lot grittier, not one to put up with bullshit for anything. She also remembered her being </span>
  <em>
    <span>aggressively</span>
  </em>
  <span> into Makoto Naegi. What had changed?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I’m sure.” She looked down at her knees. “Well, not really, but… I don’t know.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not good at comforting people, but… would you like a hug?” Kyoko offered. Toko looked up to see her blushing slightly, a symptom of embarrassment rather than a crush. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“N-no thank you,” Toko answered. “I appreciate the thought, but I’m a little… worn out right now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The three of them finished their conversation before Kyoko and Mukuro walked towards the door. As they were leaving, Kyoko turned back around. “Listen, if you ever need something, you can talk to us. We’re your friends. You don’t have to do this alone, okay?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Toko nodded. “Thank you both, seriously.” She knew she wouldn’t accept their assistance if her life depended on it, but the thought counted more than anything to her. “Uh, hey, before you go,” she added as they turned to leave.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hm?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ikusaba-san, did I hear you c-call Kyoko b-babe earlier?” It was a question Toko immediately realized she shouldn’t have asked, but her stress was slightly alleviated when Mukuro began to laugh hysterically.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’ve been dating for almost a year, Fukawa-san. How did you not know this? We’re not very private about it,” Kyoko answered, looking amused. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“O-oh, I see. Sorry…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s fine, don’t worry. See you around, okay?” Kyoko added with a smile. Toko responded with a thumbs up. The two girls finally turned to leave, Toko giving them a little wave as they walked out the door.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She heard Mukuro and Kyoko laughing on their way out of the nurse’s office. Toko sat and tried to collect her thoughts.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her chest still ached.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>- - - - -</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Komaru’s thumb hovered over the send button. She’d typed out a lengthy message for Toko detailing her feelings of anxiety and worry, but her heart wouldn’t let her press send. Her shaky hands made her worry she would press it by accident, so she put the phone down on her desk and rested her head next to it. The dorm room was dark, only the light from her desk lamp and her phone illuminating a small space around her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her phone vibrated and she flinched, startled, promptly smacking her head against the shelf above her desk. Komaru let out a gasp of pain and a loud string of expletives as she fumbled blindly for her phone. She peered closely at the screen and- oh. Her message had been sent, plus a keysmash of random characters at the end. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shit!” She frantically tried to find a way to delete it, but it was too late. Toko’s “seen” marker had popped up underneath the message, and, if the app was to be believed, she was typing out a response.</span>
</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <span>&gt; </span>
    <em>
      <span>From Toko Fukawa</span>
    </em>
    <em>
      <span>
        <br/>
      </span>
    </em>
    <em>
      <span>Do you want to talk in person?</span>
    </em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>
  <span>“Fuck, no, shit, fuck!” She began muttering under her breath. Asking to talk in-person was never a good sign. This was Toko she was thinking about, who couldn’t hurt a fly if it killed her parents, but still, no matter who, asking to meet like this was never good.</span>
</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>
      <span>&gt; To Toko Fukawa</span>
    </em>
    <em>
      <span>
        <br/>
      </span>
    </em>
    <em>
      <span>Yeah sure, your dorm or mine?</span>
    </em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>
      <span>&gt; From Toko Fukawa</span>
    </em>
    <em>
      <span>
        <br/>
      </span>
    </em>
    <em>
      <span>Can you come to my dorm?</span>
    </em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>
  <span>Komaru took a deep breath, trying to calm herself down. It was probably fine, everything would be fine. She grabbed her bag and pulled her shoes on before rushing off towards Toko’s dorm. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The dormitory wing of Hope’s Peak was organized in a sort of hexagon. Komaru didn’t know whose design it was, but she knew it was stupid. Three separate buildings, each with a single common room branching off into two wings of bachelor apartments, with a courtyard in the middle of the three. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>What a strange architecture choice. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She crossed through the courtyard, passing by some couples kissing in the shadow of the building under the setting sun. Komaru felt put off by PDA, so she simply tried to ignore it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, Komaru! How are you?” Yasuhiro chimed as she entered the second year common room. Komaru scowled at the clairvoyant, still not particularly happy with him about the events from her last visit to this dorm. “Sorry about all the stuff from the other day, I hope you’re not still mad at me.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Komaru stuck her tongue out at him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, that’s fair.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She glanced around. Chihiro Fujisaki and Chiaki Nanami were toying with an arcade cabinet in the corner, seemingly lost in concentration. Mondo Owada and Kiyotaka Ishimaru were on the other side of the room, asleep on the couch in each other's arms with no thought for PDA. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She didn’t see Toko anywhere, so she made her way down the hall to the girls’ dorms and knocked on her door.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She felt a cold sweat on the back of her neck.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Komaru wasn't sure what she was expecting, but it definitely wasn't for Toko to open the door and immediately jump into her arms. The writer frantically pulled herself close to Komaru, hugging her tightly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey! Hey, are you okay?” Komaru asked. She reciprocated the embrace, worried and confused. Toko merely shook her head, still pressed against Komaru’s shoulder. “Do you want to go inside?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Y-yeah, sure,” she mumbled into Komaru’s shoulder. Komaru realized it was the first time she’d heard her speak in almost two days since they had started ‘dating’. She hated to admit it, but she’d been partly avoiding confronting Toko, unsure of what to feel or do now that they were a couple. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Things in her heart were weird. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Toko pulled her by the hand into the dark room, flicking on the lights as Komaru closed the door. The room was surprisingly spotless, stark contrast to every other time Komaru had been here. “I c-cleaned it up for you, since I know you don’t like the mess,” Toko mumbled, rubbing her bicep.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Toko, what’s going on?” Komaru couldn’t feel anything but worry. Any anxieties she’d had before were now overridden by Toko’s current state.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sat down on the couch, and Komaru followed suit, sitting across from her.“I-I don’t know. I had a panic attack earlier today, and Kyoko said it—” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You had a </span>
  <em>
    <span>panic attack?</span>
  </em>
  <span> Why didn’t you tell me?! I would have been there in an inst—” Komaru cut herself off, realizing exactly what Toko must be going through. This was her first real relationship (assuming what she knew about the girl was correct) so it was only natural that Toko would be frightened as hell. “Is it… because of me?” She asked. She knew Toko might take it the wrong way, but it needed to be confirmed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“N-no! No, you’re totally fine, it’s just…” Toko looked away, her hands fidgeting. “Yeah, kind of. I don’t know how to feel about all of this, you know? It’s my first real relationship, afterall.” </span>
  <em>
    <span>Bingo</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Komaru thought, before immediately mentally chastising herself. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Komaru had a response ready, but she didn’t know for sure if it was what Toko wanted to hear. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A-and, you’re a girl! It’s… it’s new to me, not just dating but dating a girl. A-a-and I’m not saying I don’t like you because you’re a girl, or th-that it’s gross that y-y-you like me, just…” She sighed. “When I was in middle school, I saw two girls kissing on the playground after school. I felt… happy, I think. Then some boys came along and started to push them around, and I heard the boys yell words like ‘</span>
  <em>
    <span>dyke</span>
  </em>
  <span>’ and ‘</span>
  <em>
    <span>faggot</span>
  </em>
  <span>’, and I got scared. I didn’t know what they meant, but they sounded so mean. A few days later, one of the girls stopped coming to school, and the boys kept calling the other girl mean names.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Komaru reached for Toko’s hand, holding it gently. She understood Toko’s outburst from a few days ago now, one that shattered her heart. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m just worried that if we’re together, people might call you those mean names and you’ll have to go away.” Toko was crying. Without any hesitation, Komaru pulled Toko into a hug. The girl buried her face in Komaru’s shoulder. “I know it’s okay, but a part of me can’t help but be scared!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Komaru couldn’t think clearly. All she could do was hug and hope a response would come to her. She racked her brain for anything she could say, anything at all that would make things better. Finally, she just let herself start speaking.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did you know there are four kids in my class who are dating?” She started. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Toko pulled away. “Wh-what? What does that have—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Komaru shook her head. “All of them are girls, you know. One of them actually helped me when I was feeling scared earlier today. She’s someone I’ve confided in, and she helped me when I was alone and needed someone.” Komaru felt herself begin to tear up. “Another one of them has been my friend since I started at the school, and she’s very openly into women.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wh-what’s this about?” Toko asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Even my brother, Makoto, is dating a boy. I can’t tell you who, but—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s Byakuya, isn’t it?” Toko interrupted. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Komaru chuckled. “They’re not very subtle, huh?” The two girls started to laugh, despite their tears. “Point is, there are a ton of people at this school who are the same as us. I’m pretty sure there’s some in your class, and there’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>definitely</span>
  </em>
  <span> some third years who are the same. I… I feel safe here, safe to be me and love you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maru… Thank you.” Toko pulled her into another hug, kissing her softly on the cheek. “Thank you,” she repeated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shortly after, the two girls pulled apart. “Yeah, this school is like… </span>
  <em>
    <span>really </span>
  </em>
  <span>gay,” Komaru said. Both girls began laughing before a silence fell over them. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>A tension was palpable. Komaru didn’t have the words to describe it, she could only tell it was there.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, Maru…” Toko started. Her face was slowly shifting to a bright red. “Can I… Can I k-kiss you?” She pressed her fingers together.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Komaru felt her face warm. “O-of course! Yes. Um. I’ve never been asked that, I’m not sure how you re—” Toko’s lips crashed into hers, the kiss messy and soft and comfortable. She leaned back as Toko’s weight pushed against her. Toko was greedy, but Komaru couldn’t blame her. It’d been one hell of a day for the both of them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Komaru fell onto her back, her head on the couch armrest. Toko held Komaru’s cheeks as though Komaru would vanish if she let go. Toko eventually pulled away from the kiss, moving to lay on top of Komaru, head resting on her rising and falling chest. Komaru rubbed Toko’s back softly, peering down at the girl. They were silent, and the moment was peaceful.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m gonna be honest, Toko,” Komaru began, breaking the silence. She felt Toko shift to look up at her. “I was expecting you to take this in a very different direction.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Toko laughed. “Maru, I have </span>
  <em>
    <span>some </span>
  </em>
  <span>class. This isn’t some gross fanfiction where the two underaged girls bone less than a week into their relationship.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Komaru blushed at the thought of it. “Please never say that again.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They stayed like that, talking and laughing about whatever came to mind, until Komaru had to leave. She had class in the morning, and her teacher was insistent about attendance. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The two hugged, exchanging a short kiss before Komaru departed.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>- - - - -</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>After Komaru left, Toko leaned against the door for a moment to collect her thoughts. She let out a long sigh, dispelling the anxiety and adrenaline from her body. The day had been incredibly overwhelming, to say the least. She needed to steel herself for what came next. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She pulled her socks off, followed by her skirt, blouse, until eventually she stood in her dorm exposed and a little cold. She stood in front of the bathroom door, preparing for a new battle.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright, let’s do this.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Toko stepped into the bathroom and turned the shower on.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Deceptions of the Heart</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>"What's so wrong with feeling wrong? // I find my calm in little sins and songs."</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This chapter (and the next chapter) has a bit at the end that attempts to address a character's conflicts with her sexuality, specifically the appreciation of the same gender. The way this was written may cause discomfort to some readers, as I have little to no experience with being a teenage girl having sleepovers with her girlfriend, let alone being a teenage girl (immortal rights). Please leave comments with feelings towards the two scenes to help me know how they are received, and so I can make edits to allow for more comfort. Thanks!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“Holy shit, Maru! These are so cool!” Toko exclaimed. Komaru and Toko were sitting together in the library, a habit for their Tuesdays. Komaru had one of her many notebooks out, jotting down various ideas on to the page. She had decided to show Toko some of her ideas.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You think?” Komaru beamed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah! Some of these ideas would make killings as novels! I really want to steal some of these, if you’d allow me. I’ve uh… been struggling with inspiration.” She pressed her fingers together in traditional Toko fashion.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I mean, I could… It’s not like they’d make it out of this book any other way…” Komaru flashed a devilish grin. “But you’d have to make it up to me, Toko.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wh-why do you look like you have something terrible in mind?” Toko shuddered. Komaru giggled maniacally before planting a short kiss on her girlfriend’s cheek. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You just have to keep letting me do things like that,” she said with a grin. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My god, you’re cheesy.” The two girls began to giggle to themselves.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So, what are you thinking?” Komaru asked, gesturing to her notebook. “Any of these catch your eye?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, this one about the two girls who become a pop sensation and master detective seems pretty nifty.” Toko pointed at the page as she spoke.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uhh… maybe not that one,” Komaru said with a nervous chuckle. She didn’t have it in her to say that idea was already related to two characters.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, how about…” The two began conversing over ideas. They fleshed out some of the ideas Komaru had already structured, made up some new ones, and within an hour they had a plot structure ready to go.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Toko stretched in her chair, popping joints in her back and neck. “Alright, I think that’s enough thinking for today,” she said, putting her laptop back in her bag. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you want to do now?” Komaru asked as she put her notebook and pencils away. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hm… I don’t know, but I don’t want to think for a little bit. My brain is </span>
  <em>
    <span>tired</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” Toko groaned. She peeked at a clock on the wall across the library. “Not to mention, it’s almost 7pm, which means we need to get out of here before we’re locked in.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The two made for the exit, waving to the librarians on their way out. As the doors swung shut behind them, Toko laced her fingers into Komaru’s. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Komaru felt heat rise to her cheeks. “We’re in public, are you sure?” Komaru asked. She wasn’t complaining, but given their discussion recently, she wanted to make sure. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>- - - - -</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I’m sure. Besides, who could see two happy sapphics and ruin their fun?” Toko returned with a smile. They made their way to the station that would take them back to Hope’s Peak, feeling a strange mixture of anxiety and comfort. Sure, Toko was nervous, but it was something she needed to work through, and this was the best way she could do it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you’re sure, but if you change your mind that’s okay.” Komaru’s voice was calming to her anxiety.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Babe, are you saying you don’t wanna hold my hand?” Toko chuckled. She felt a bit like Jack in saying that. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“N-no! Of course I do, but only if you’re comfortable,” Komaru panicked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Toko could see Komaru pouting, so she stopped walking and looked around. “What are you doing? Is something wrong?” Komaru asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Toko scanned her surroundings for any potential witnesses before kissing Komaru on the cheek. “Does that answer your question?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Komaru was bright red. “Y-yes, it does.” Komaru smiled. Toko could feel her pulse rising between their hands. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The two arrived at the station platform. The train wasn’t for another twenty minutes, so they decided to sit on one of the benches. Komaru had moved from holding Toko’s hand to practically snuggling her arm. It was quite adorable, and Toko had to restrain herself from squealing in glee.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re warm,” Komaru said softly. Even her voice was cute as all hell. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m wearing, like, three hoodies. I told you that you should wear one, but </span>
  <em>
    <span>noooooo</span>
  </em>
  <span>, it was supposed to be sunny today, so you just wore a t-shirt.” Komaru scowled. “Hey, I’m just kidding. Here—” Toko pulled off one of her three hoodies and handed it to Komaru, “— wear this.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Toko, I lo— I like you, but… I’m not wearing your unwashed hoodie.” Komaru’s remark reminded Toko there were people around. She’d completely forgotten about other human beings.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Here, smell it.” She pushed the hoodie into Komaru’s face, who resisted adamantly before letting Toko win.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh damn, this smells nice. You washed your clothes?” Komaru beamed, proud of her girlfriend.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not just that, I also washed some </span>
  <em>
    <span>other </span>
  </em>
  <span>stuff,” she boasted. Komaru pulled on the hoodie and resumed hugging Toko’s arm, taking in Toko’s scent. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did you finally shower?” Komaru sounded shocked. Toko was a little offended that Komaru thought her incapable of basic hygiene, but she had a point. Toko previously had absolutely abysmal habits, and out of respect (and love) for Komaru, she began to put in a little bit more effort to taking care of herself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Now all she needed was conditioner and more soap. Not showering for multiple years would do a number on your skin, apparently. She came out of that bathroom red and hot as a chili pepper after absolutely tearing up her skin with the crappy Hope’s Peak bar soap. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I did,” she responded with a cocky grin. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m proud of you,” Komaru mumbled into Toko’s shoulder. She looked absolutely adorable curled up the way she was. “Hey, uh… I have a weird question.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shoot.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You seem… different than usual. Did something happen?” Toko was expecting it sooner or later. She’d noticed her change in behavior as well, feeling a lot more cocky and boisterous than she did normally. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t really know how to explain…” It was the truth. She had a theory, but it was incredibly far-fetched.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, you read some of my crazy ideas today, so maybe I’ll be able to figure it out?” Komaru looked up at Toko.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I guess… I think it might be something to do with Jack,” Toko answered, looking away. She took a breath, trying to calm herself down before explaining.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jack?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, she’s… she’s stopped coming to me. She’s basically gone, but maybe not.” Toko paused to give Komaru a moment to process. “I think I maybe… absorbed her? It sounds crazy, I know—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No it doesn’t!” Komaru interrupted, sitting up. “It makes sense, since you described Jack as your confident side, so maybe she’s become a part of you now!” Komaru latched onto what Toko was saying a little too easily. She felt a little freaked out, were she being honest.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I guess… still, that’s just a theory.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, people can change. Maybe something changed for you, and that’s why you’re more confident. Maybe that change had something to do with Jack.” Komaru smiled. “It’s not like I’m complaining.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Toko smiled back. “You’re adorable.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Komaru’s face turned a brilliant shade of pink.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I—” Her voice was cut off by the sound of the train screaming into the station. It slowly came to a stop and the girls boarded, grabbing a seat near the back on a nearly empty train car. Komaru rested her head on Toko’s shoulder once they were settled in for the ride.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What were you gonna say on the platform?” Toko asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-it’s nothing. I’ll tell you later.” Komaru’s eyes wandered, presumably to the other passengers in the car. Toko wrapped an arm around her girlfriend in an effort to comfort her.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Toko got back to her dorm at around 8:30pm. Her phone buzzed in her pocket as she dropped her bag to the floor. </span>
</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>
      <span>&gt; From Komaru Naegi</span>
    </em>
    <em>
      <span>
        <br/>
      </span>
    </em>
    <em>
      <span>You forgot your hoodie :P</span>
    </em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>
  <span>Attached was a photo of Komaru, hiding her face with her sleeve. Before Toko could respond, her phone vibrated another time.</span>
</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>
      <span>&gt; From Komaru Naegi</span>
    </em>
    <em>
      <span>
        <br/>
      </span>
    </em>
    <em>
      <span>It’s really warm and soft, I don’t know if you’re getting this back any time soon.</span>
    </em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>
  <span>Toko was comfortably familiar with the trope of “partner steals partner’s hoodies”. Had she been a year younger, she would have groaned at the prospect of her first significant other stooping to such levels. However, the photo on Toko’s screen awoke her heart to a new appreciation for both the trope and her girlfriend. </span>
</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>
      <span>&gt; To Komaru Naegi</span>
    </em>
    <em>
      <span>
        <br/>
      </span>
    </em>
    <em>
      <span>Keep it, it looks better on you.</span>
    </em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>
  <span>- - - - -</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“She </span>
  <em>
    <span>what?” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Tsumugi exclaimed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She gave me her hoodie!” Komaru was relaxing with Tsumugi and Kaede, going on about her day. It had been quite a long day, spent almost entirely with Toko, so she had a lot to process. Having two out-and-proud lesbians in her friend circle made things very easy for her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Komaru, that’s like the third base of high school sweethearts. Are you </span>
  <em>
    <span>sure </span>
  </em>
  <span>you’re ready for this? You’ve only been together, what, a couple weeks?” Kaede sounded weirdly concerned. Tsumugi began to laugh hysterically.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Excuse my dumbass girlfriend,” Tsumugi said through her giggles. “She’s only dated me, and I </span>
  <em>
    <span>may</span>
  </em>
  <span> have told a white lie to avoid loaning her hoodies because I only had the one.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaede scowled at the remark. “Mugi, I am </span>
  <em>
    <span>NOT </span>
  </em>
  <span>a dumbass!” She whacked Tsumugi with a pillow. “If anyone here is a dumbass, it’s you! You killed me first in the game because I kept flirting with you and you almost gave everything away!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tsumugi’s eyes widened. “I-I had no choice, you were just so cute! Having you meet me for the first time again was… it was unbearable!” She kicked her feet as she hugged a pillow. Kaede was blushing up a storm, and Komaru was sitting off to the side feeling third-wheeled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She really killed you first?” Komaru asked. She hadn’t been able to make the game since she had plans with Toko that weekend.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, not exactly </span>
  <em>
    <span>killed</span>
  </em>
  <span>, but she framed me for Rantaro’s death,” Kaede said frustratedly, then muttered, “Granted, I did actually try to kill him, but my plans failed, so I shouldn’t have been the blacken—</span>
  <em>
    <span>”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay! That’s enough spoilers, babe! Komaru hasn’t watched the season like she promised yet, right?” Tsumugi had crawled across the room to cover Kaede’s mouth.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Komaru looked at the two, confused. “I promised? I didn’t say anything about that.” She received a deadly glare from Tsumugi.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The three girls’ conversation dissolved into giggles once again. It felt nice to have friends who understood what loving girls was like. It reminded Komaru that she wasn’t alone, and that her struggles weren’t something she had to bear the entire burden of. She had people to lean on, and it made her feel safe to continue feeling for Toko.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey! We should start a GSA here!” Tsumugi exclaimed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A GSA? Can you elaborate?” Kaede requested. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It stands for ‘gay straight alliance’. In American schools, some have clubs for gay people like us to feel safe in. We should start one of those!” She beamed at the two of them, but Kaede seemed opposed to the idea.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not sure, I don’t like the idea of straight people being in on our gay secrets.” It was a perfectly reasonable concern, Komaru rationalized. She couldn’t find a reason to disagree. However, she was still interested in the club. She pulled out her phone and began searching.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, they don’t have to be, babe.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then why call it a ‘gay straight alliance’ if it’s just gay people?” The two began to argue, but Komaru found what she was looking for quickly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why not just call it a Pride Club?” She offered. The two looked confused. “In a lot of places, they label events and clubs and such celebrating and accepting people like us as ‘pride’, so why not mimic that?” The confusion faded into excitement. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Komaru, you’re a genius!!” Kaede shouted as she pounced onto Komaru, joined by Tsumugi.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This is going to be so great!” Tsumugi said, with a thrill and excitement in her voice. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Komaru was excited, but a part of her was nervous. They’d have to clear the club with a teacher, and none of the teachers really </span>
  <em>
    <span>screamed, “I’m gay as hell,”</span>
  </em>
  <span> or even, </span>
  <em>
    <span>“I’m not gay but I support it.”</span>
  </em>
  <span> She also wasn’t sure she was ready to tell the world who she was just yet, let alone the staff and more students of Hope’s Peak. Her class, and supposedly the two years above her were good about same-sex couples, but ‘supposedly’ wasn’t good enough.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She returned to her room shortly after the conversation died down with Kaede and Tsumugi. It was nearly 11:00pm, which meant curfew was imminent. Sleeping in someone else’s dorm was against the rules, and Komaru didn’t want to get caught, unless it was with Toko. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She missed cuddling with Toko. The way Toko’s head rested on her chest, or the rise and fall of Toko’s chest after she’d fallen asleep, the warmth and comfort of being with someone you cared about, it all felt… Well, comfortable wasn’t strong enough a word, but it would do. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Before she knew it, she felt cold. Komaru had made her way out into the dormitory courtyards, crossing over to the year 2 dorms. She shivered as the breeze cut through her sweatshirt. Thankfully, it wasn’t too dark to see. The courtyard was shrouded in lights by lamps and lanterns throughout. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She walked into the year two dorm and trailed right into the girl’s hall. Before she could think to stop herself, she was knocking on Toko’s door.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>- - - - -</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Toko opened the door. “Komaru? What are you—” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, can I come in?” Komaru was shivering as though she’d just marched through a tundra in her thin sweatshirt and ladybug patterned skirt. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Y-yeah, come right in.” She stepped aside to allow her girlfriend to walk through, closing the door behind her. “Are you okay? It’s after cur—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Toko was cut off by Komaru gripping her drawstrings and pulling her in for a kiss. It was desperate, almost rough. After a few seconds, Komaru let her go.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry, I just… I missed you,” Komaru mumbled, a soft grin adorning her face. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Toko blushed. “Maru, it’s hardly been three hours! How can you miss me already?” She wasn’t upset, just concerned. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry! You were just really cute today, and I missed cuddling with you.” Komaru mimicked Toko’s signature pose, pushing her fingers together.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Toko sighed, rolling her eyes with a chuckle. “Alright, only because you’re absolutely adorable, and it’s cold out.” When did she get so responsible?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yay! Thanks, babe.” Komaru embraced her excitedly. Toko returned the hug, attempting to hide how much her heart was fluttering, though she was sure Komaru could feel it with their chests pressed so tightly together. “Okay,” Komaru stammered into Toko’s ear, “Uh, fuck, I don’t know where to go from here.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Komaru, did you… </span>
  <em>
    <span>did you just swear?!” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Toko asked in mock astonishment. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She reeled, crossing her arms in mock offense. “I’ll have you know I am capable of cursing! I can say fuck, shit, damn, all the words!” This was a completely new side of her. A small part of Toko felt guilty for rubbing off on her to the point that Komaru became foul-mouthed, but a much larger part of her was proud.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It took them a while, but eventually they fell asleep. At least Komaru did, anyways. Toko laid awake, staring at the ceiling unable to move due for fear of waking the girl next to her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Komaru had a habit of sleeping in her underwear— typically shorts and a sports bra, Toko noticed. It made things a little awkward the first time they shared a bed, since Toko never slept in anything less than full PJs, and now she felt silently pressured to match Komaru’s clothing choice. It was too dark for her to see Komaru’s reaction when they crawled into bed together, Toko matching Komaru’s attire to the best of her ability. Shorts and a sports bra. Innocent enough, right? Two girls sleeping in comfortable clothing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She thought she didn’t mind it, that it was a little weird. It felt grown up, mature, adult. All things they weren’t, and the two of them being in a relationship didn’t help either. People in relationships doing adult things were far more intimate. Was that where this was going? There were numerous reasons she wasn’t ready, and a confusing emotion circling it all as she thought about it all. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Finally the word came to her: guilt. It all felt wrong to her, to be feeling the ways she was feeling despite only sleeping, and nothing more. Toko didn’t want to acknowledge the guilt she was battling, but it was there, present and very loud. Seeing Komaru wearing such scant clothing threw her for a loop the first time it happened. Even now, after multiple instances of sharing a bed, she still pushed down her emotions.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Toko had never had an issue appreciating boys. She wondered if maybe that was something that had been conditioned into her, if becoming an adult romance novel writer at such a young age might have matured her faster. She’d recently realized, however, that she wasn’t actually all too interested in boys. Becoming a tool for Byakuya’s reproduction was no longer on her agenda since he’d quite aggressively told her off for being creepy, so she was free to feel emotions for other people. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Then Komaru had come into the picture, and now she was aware she could feel things for girls. The issue now was that she had a deeply internalized fear of appreciating women, scared of being perceived as perverted or otherwise. This, naturally clashed with her very-comfortable-with-loving-women girlfriend, who was also very comfortable sleeping near nude. It did a good job of helping Toko confront her issues, that was for sure. She was entirely aware of her complete and utter refusal to look at anything to do with feminine sexuality, but she could not resist it. Nothing in her wanted her to be staring directly at a girl’s chest, ass, thighs, wherever was considered ‘sexy’ by the masses. Nothing in her wanted to acknowledge them as attractive. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shifted so she could look at Komaru’s sleeping face. She was resting just next to Toko, puffs of warm air blowing onto her shoulder, arm slung across Toko’s waist.. It tickled a little bit, but the rhythmic sounds of the sleeping Komaru’s breathing calmed her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Toko loved her, didn’t she? Why then was she so resistant to appreciating her?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After a moment of silently pondering in the dark, she decided this train of thought could wait.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>- - - - -</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Komaru was not emotionally prepared to wake up sleeping next to a Toko Fukawa in a sports bra instead of her typical long sleeved pyjama shirt.. She’d forgotten how cute Toko was when she was asleep, and her soft skin lit by the sunrise shining through thin curtains just made her feel even more… the words failed her. Love, perhaps?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her face heated up and she buried her face against Toko’s shoulder. Her girlfriend was just so comfortable, and even cuter, how was Komaru supposed to cope? Her heart fluttered in her chest. She resisted just staring at her, as she thought that might be creepy.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Smaller than her love for Toko, an anxiety lingered in the back of her mind. She worried that Toko might be uncomfortable, and that she might be pressuring Toko into doing things she didn’t want to do. The fluttering in her heart vanished as the anxiety began to grow while she lay in the silent softly lit room. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, Maru.” Toko’s soft, groggy voice broke the suffocating silence in the room, and snapped Komaru out of her spiral.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good morning, sleepyhead,” she mumbled back. Komaru reached for her phone to check the time. She opened her phone to see two missed messages from Kaede, but more importantly that it was 9:30 am on a Sunday. “How’d you sleep?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not too bad, though I feel really weird waking up in anything other than my normal t-shirt and shorts.” Toko chuckled, but Komaru could sense the discomfort lying just beneath. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you okay?” Komaru asked somberly. “I know you normally sleep in regular pyjamas, and I don’t want you to feel pressured—” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not, Maru. I did it because I wanted to, not because I felt like I had to.” Toko spoke softly, but Komaru could tell she was lying. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Toko, I’m serious. If you feel uncomfortable, I want you to tell me.” Komaru sat up and looked down at her girlfriend. Toko’s eyes looked disconcerted. She pulled the blanket up to cover herself. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Toko sighed. “You’re right, I… I forced myself because I thought, since you do it, I should do it too.” Komaru’s heart felt a little bit lighter thanks to Toko’s honesty, but it was ripped back down by the fact that she made her girlfriend uncomfortable.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay. I’ll wear the shirts and shorts from now on, then. I don’t want anything to make you uncomfortable anymore, okay?” Komaru leaned down and kissed Toko on the forehead. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, thank you.” Toko was averting her gaze. “Can you… can you put some clothes on?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh! Yeah, of course.” Komaru rolled out of bed and pulled the pants and sweatshirt she was always wearing back on. “I’m gonna go make breakfast, okay?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Toko nodded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Komaru hummed a tune as she fixed up pancakes for the two of them. She daydreamed about living in an apartment in the big city together with Toko, a nice view over Shibuya while she drank coffee or hot chocolate on the balcony. She could hear Toko’s keyboard clicking beside her, daydreamed Toko writing away with her own mug to the side. The wind blew through their hair, the sun shone in Toko’s eyes in </span>
  <em>
    <span>just</span>
  </em>
  <span> the right way and she looked gorgeous. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sighed. “Maybe one day,” she mumbled to herself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What are you talking about?” Toko asked, walking into the kitchen fully dressed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“N-nothing!” </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. The Message</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>“How long‚ how long before we // Crash and burn?”</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“I’m not going in.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why not?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m NOT.” Toko said firmly. She was at the local mall with Chihiro, standing outside a women’s underwear store. Well, standing wasn’t the right word. Toko was hiding under a bench, and Chihiro was trying to coerce her to buy new clothing. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re the one who wanted to come here, Toko. You told me you needed new, as you called them, ‘undergarments,’ so I took you here. I don’t know why you’re so opposed to it now.” Chihiro reached under the bench, but Toko slapped her hand away. She thanked every god under the sun that the mall was practically empty. Still, while she was proud of Chihiro for coming so far with her confidence, in this moment it infuriated her to no end that Chihiro could be stronger than her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“M-maybe so, but I don’t have to come in! I can just tell you what I’m looking for and you can—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Toko, I don’t know your size. Do </span>
  <em>
    <span>you </span>
  </em>
  <span>even know your size? Chihiro asked. Toko stayed quiet. She didn’t have to answer with a no if she didn’t answer at all. “Yeah, that’s what I thought.” She heard Chihiro sit down next to the bench. “Look, you just came out right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“C-came out?” She was unfamiliar with the term, but she had a pretty solid guess as to what it might mean.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, you just learned you liked girls, right?” Right on the money. Toko pumped her fist in her head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Y-yeah, I did.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Does going into this store have something to do with that?” Chihiro asked softly. Toko didn’t like this. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I thought Sayaka and Hiro were the mind readers, not you,” she grumbled. Chihiro giggled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Look, it’s totally normal for newly out girls to feel weird about looking at other girls. Let me guess, it feels dirty, right? Like you’re committing some kind of gross heinous act?” Chihiro had completely read Toko’s mind. Toko was silent, and it seemed Chihiro had noticed she was right when she kept going. “That’s totally normal, but you don’t have to feel that way. It’s totally okay to like boobs and bu—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>STOPSTOPSTOPSTOPSTOP!!!” </span>
  </em>
  <span>She shouted, slamming her eyes shut and reaching for Chihiro in hopes for… something positive to happen. Chihiro took advantage of the opening in Toko’s defenses and pulled her out from under the bench and lifted her up to sit next to her. “W-when did you get so strong?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I started working out with Mondo and Sakura a long time ago, you know. They helped me find my confidence, and I want to help you.” Chihiro’s voice was soft. Toko stared at the ground. “Look, it’s okay. You don’t have to do a complete 180 and become super… well, you know. You can take it slow, just let yourself feel comfortable, alright? You’re not gross for liking girls. I used to be the same way, you know.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Toko looked up at Chihiro in disbelief. “You?! But the way you talk… it’s like you’re some sort of wise ma— er, wise woman!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, how do you think I learned? It’s why I avoided Sakura and Aoi’s offers like the plague during our time in Junko’s game, I was scared. Obviously, it was a little bit different, since I wasn’t out and Junko really seemed to want me to come out, but liking girls was still a factor.” She sighed. “It’s… all of it is complicated.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ugh. You’re right.” Toko wasn’t about to just get over all her problems in one fell swoop, she knew that. “I guess I can go in then.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank god, because I also need new bras and I wasn’t going in alone.” Chihiro said with a sigh of relief.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good god, Chihiro.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>- - - - -</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lunch break for Komaru’s class was interesting now that she’d made better friends with the rest of the class. Miu Iruma (Ultimate Inventor and resident foulmouth,) and Maki Harukawa (Ultimate Child Caregiver, although that title seems unfitting,) had begun sitting at her table alongside the Kokichi Ouma, Kaede Akamatsu, and Tsumugi Shirogane that were already there.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Miu tossed a chip in her mouth before speaking. “So, like, have you guys seen each other’s t—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Iruma, don’t,” Kaede interrupted firmly. “I know exactly what you’re thinking, and the answer is none of your business.” She looked to Komaru and flashed a sympathetic smile. Komaru smiled back. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks, Kaede. Sorry, Miu, you don’t get to know about my bedroom life.” She added a wink for good measure just to tease the girl, and Kokichi began to choke on his drink. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Boring!” Kokichi whined after he finished coughing his lungs out. “Come on, Komaru! Why not share a little tale with the class!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Komaru ducked her head. “No, I’m not violating Toko’s privacy like that.” She was firm, but nervousness was still present. She did want to talk about Toko, but she didn’t know what Toko would be okay with her saying. Toko had been struggling a bit with her image, not to mention the recent realization she could both love women and not love men. She’d been hesitant to come out, and Komaru respected her for that. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fiiiine!” Kokichi whined again. He leaned back in his chair. “You’re still boring though.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m okay with that, Kokichi.” She continued eating her food. The table fell to silence, everyone eating their food and too busy to speak. The rowdy noises from the rest of the room filled the silence well enough, they had no problems not speaking.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soon enough, the lunch period ended, and class resumed. A variety of the class left, and Komaru decided she didn’t want to stick around.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She made her way to the music room. Kaede had been showing her how to play a little bit, and while she felt like she was getting the hang of it, she still had a lot to learn. She appreciated Kaede taking the time to teach her, so she wanted to show that appreciation by actually practicing. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>As she tapped away on the keys, she began to see colors in the corners of her vision. Well, </span>
  <em>
    <span>seeing</span>
  </em>
  <span> is a bit of a loose term. A more accurate term would be that she </span>
  <em>
    <span>felt </span>
  </em>
  <span>them. The colors were mixed together beautifully, albeit a little messy as she practiced various beginner songs. As she played more and more, the colors got more and more vibrant, eccentric, moody, cold, warm, all sorts of adjectives would describe them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How are you faring?” Kaede said, peeking through the door. Komaru jumped in surprise, bashing the keys in an unsatisfactory chord. The colors in her eyes changed to match. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m… not too bad, I think. These songs are really colorful, is that why you chose them for me?” She looked to her book, flipping back and forth trying to remember which song was which. “This one was really moody, lots of darker colors like blue and purple, and this one was really lush with nice greens and browns. Is that why you chose them?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaede walked over to see what Komaru was referring to. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, the paper is just black and white.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“When you play them it’s colorful. Watch!” She began to play a piece. She’d honed it nicely, so it didn’t sound too bad. The colors begin to accent her view once again. “See?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I… I don’t, Komaru, but I think I know what you’re talking about!” Kaede sat next to Komaru on the bench. “I think you have synesthesia, maybe.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Synes-what?” Komaru echoed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Synesthesia, it’s when senses become crossed or linked. It’s hard to describe, but the best way would be to think about it like seeing colors when you listen to music, I guess. I think you might have that.” Komaru began to understand what Kaede was referring to.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That does sound like me, wow,” Komaru said astonishedly, “I didn’t know that was a thing, I thought everyone experienced that. Although, I only noticed it a few minutes ago.” She twiddled her thumbs. “Maybe it’s to do with my talent?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh! That gives me an idea! Wait here, okay?” Kaede didn’t wait for an answer as she ran off, leaving Komaru to her own devices. She continued practicing until Kaede came back with a canvas and some paints. “Why don’t you paint a song that I play?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She stopped. “Uh… are you sure?” Komaru sure wasn’t. She was only particularly skilled with pencil on paper, not with paints. She </span>
  <em>
    <span>did </span>
  </em>
  <span>want to get better though, so this proved a good opportunity, but she was hesitant.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can’t hurt, right?” Kaede reasoned. Her smile was too sincere and heartwarming to turn her down, not to mention she was completely right. There was no harm in trying, afterall. Kaede took a seat at the piano, and Komaru propped the canvas up on a makeshift easel (a guitar stand on top of a desk) and readied her paints. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ready?” Kaede asked, hands hovering above the keys.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“As I’ll ever be.” With that, Kaede began to play. Komaru wasn’t familiar with the song, but it was quite pretty. She heard pinks and blues spiraling around, and her hand followed them with the brush. Reds and yellows appeared as she played different chords, greens floated up from underneath, and purples flowed above. Kaede’s song lasted five minutes. The moment she finished was the same instant Komaru placed her brush in the rinsing glass, signifying completion. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How’s it look?” Kaede asked with eager anticipation. Komaru turned the canvas around, proud of her work. It was a pink cloudy dreamscape, looking out over a magnificent sunset. Sitting on one of the clouds sat two figures, mere lines on the linen, but Komaru knew who they were. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think I did pretty good. What was the name of the song you were playing?” Komaru asked, glancing up at a starstruck Kaede.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I-I was just improvising, but… holy </span>
  <em>
    <span>shit </span>
  </em>
  <span>Komaru! That’s incredible!” Kaede ran over from the piano and pulled Komaru into a hug, nearly knocking over the makeshift easel.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“C-careful! I don’t want it to fall!” Komaru exclaimed, but she couldn’t be angry for more than a moment before it turned into giggles.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s like you have a superpower,” Kaede gushed. Komaru didn’t really feel too different or special, but she still appreciated Kaede’s compliment all the same. “Who are those two people?” She pointed to the figures, black and undetailed silhouettes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sure you can guess,” she answered. Her cheeks felt warm as blood rushed to them.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>- - - - -</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“YOU HID UNDER A BENCH?!” Komaru burst out laughing at Toko’s regaling of the nightmarish day. Her laugh was adorable, but Toko’s expense made it less so.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maru…” she whined. Her lips formed a scowl and her eyebrows furrowed. It wasn’t funny, she thought… well, it was a little funny. “I </span>
  <em>
    <span>hate </span>
  </em>
  <span>underwear shopping. I don’t want to look at all the b-big b-b-boobed mannequins.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Toko, </span>
  <em>
    <span>I’m</span>
  </em>
  <span> a big boobed mannequin! Are you saying you don’t want to look at me?” Komaru was laughing so hard that tears had begun to form in her eyes and she almost fell off the couch. Toko stifled a chuckle at the remark. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-well, I like you more for your personality… I don’t really think about your… um…” She refused to finish her sentence. Komaru could not stop laughing at the situation, and even Toko’s grumpy facade was beginning to break. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Komaru smirked. “My what, Toko?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Toko scowled. “Your </span>
  <em>
    <span>tits</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Komaru! God, I thought I could just like you for your personality because I can’t think about your body like… that. I don’t know why, but I just can’t look at girls and find them attractive!” Komaru reeled at Toko’s sudden outburst. “Sorry! I didn’t mean it like—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know what you mean, Toko.” Her chipperness was gone in an instant and Toko felt a new form of fear. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No! I meant like I just… I can’t let myself, I feel guilty, gross, wrong! It’s not you, it’s… I don’t know! It’s weird and I hate it!” Toko’s chest heaved anxiously. She reached for Komaru’s hand, holding it gently in her own. “Look, I care about you so much, more than I’ve cared about anyone probably! I think you’re pretty and nice and sweet and… all the words I can’t think of right now. But for some reason, I just can’t find… </span>
  <em>
    <span>that part </span>
  </em>
  <span>attractive.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Komaru smiled softly. “I’m sorry, I understand. It’s always come so easily to me, that I forgot that’s a thing other people go through.” She began to giggle again. “Still, I can’t believe you hid under a </span>
  <em>
    <span>bench </span>
  </em>
  <span>to avoid going into an underwear sh—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She was cut off by Toko hitting her over the head with a pillow. “Stop! I don’t want to think about that!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But it’s so cute!” Komaru argued. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“C-cute?” Toko stammered. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah! Cute like you.” Komaru’s energy had died down. She leaned forward, closing the distance between her and Toko. “May I kiss you?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Toko’s ears and cheeks felt on fire. “Y-yes,” she answered. She didn’t remember Komaru being so forward, but as their lips met, she didn’t have any complaints. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry for teasing you,” Komaru mumbled as they separated. “You’re just so adorable.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh… thank you?” Toko brushed her hair away instinctively. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Komaru began laughing again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her laugh was adorable too.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Eventually, it was time for Komaru to leave. She had to prepare for her practical exams, and people from her dorm were starting to notice she was leaving at night, so she needed to play it safe and stay in her own room for the night. Toko didn’t have a problem with this, since she had some plans for the evening.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After Komaru had left, Toko prepared the shower. She got the water running and removed her clothes, but stopped to look in the mirror. She stared at herself. She looked at her curves, her freckles covering her shoulders, the hair along her stomach, her legs, all of it. She put her hand out to cover her reflection’s face, allowing herself to pretend the body wasn’t her own.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She continued to scan herself. It felt awkward but she tried to dismiss it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eventually she put herself under the warm water and began to wash herself. She thought about someone. Not necessarily Komaru, just a nameless girl. She thought about the girl’s body as she lathered her hair with shampoo, about the little blemishes the girl might have as she rinsed her hair, about her curves and features society deemed inappropriate as she sat down to think further.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A pang of guilt struck in her mind. She felt wrong, dirty, gross for even thinking about a woman like that, but she decided to fight back against her mind. She told herself the girl was beautiful, every last part, over and over until it became true.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>For the first time in a long time, she felt free. A weight on her shoulders, her wrists, her ankles, was gone, she was unshackled. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She dried herself off and shot off a text to Komaru before changing into her pyjamas.</span>
</p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>
      <span>&gt; To Komaru Naegi:</span>
    </em>
    <em>
      <span><br/>
</span>
    </em>
    <em>
      <span>You’re pretty cute.</span>
    </em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>
  <span>Her cheeks felt warm, and when she looked in the reflection of her window, she realized she was blushing. Her phone vibrated in her hands and she looked back down.</span>
</p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>
      <span>&gt; From Komaru Naegi:</span>
    </em>
    <em>
      <span><br/>
</span>
    </em>
    <em>
      <span>You’re cute too! What’s the occasion?</span>
    </em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>
  <span>Toko smiled at the reply. She hesitantly opened the camera on her phone and took a photo of herself. Her smile was unfamiliar, but she sent it off before it could be second guessed.</span>
</p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>
      <span>&gt; To Komaru Naegi</span>
    </em>
    <em>
      <span><br/>
</span>
    </em>
    <em>
      <span>[Image Attached]</span>
    </em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>
      <span>&gt; From Komaru Naegi</span>
    </em>
    <em>
      <span><br/>
</span>
    </em>
    <em>
      <span>HOLY SHIT TOKO YOU’RE SO CUTE!!! </span>
    </em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>
  <span>She giggled at Komaru’s adorable response. God, she missed her. They’d hardly been apart an hour and yet she missed her more than anything. Her phone beeped and buzzed in her hands again.</span>
</p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>
      <span>&gt; From Komaru Naegi</span>
    </em>
    <em>
      <span><br/>
</span>
    </em>
    <em>
      <span>[Image Attached]</span>
    </em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>
      <span>&gt; From Komaru Naegi</span>
    </em>
    <em>
      <span><br/>
</span>
    </em>
    <em>
      <span>Sorry! I forgot you’re not totally comfortable with that yet! I wish I could delete it… </span>
    </em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>
  <span>Attached was an image of Komaru in her sleepwear, which is to say, a sports bra. Toko dropped the phone entirely, nearly cracking it on the corner of the coffee table. She picked it back up to take a hesitant better look at the photo.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It wasn’t lewd, just Komaru holding up a peace sign. Her blanket was pulled up to her hips, leaving her torso uncovered. Toko felt blood rush to her cheeks. She sat down on the couch before she could fall over and typed out a response with shaky fingers.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Toko, for whatever reason, didn’t even register discomfort in her mind.</span>
</p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>
      <span>&gt; To Komaru Naegi</span>
    </em>
    <em>
      <span><br/>
</span>
    </em>
    <em>
      <span>itts okkkkkay tthank yyyouu uh youure reaally pretty</span>
    </em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>
  <span>She felt stupid for her improper grammar, but her hands were shaking so much that typing out a proper response would have taken much longer, if not impossible. She wasn’t lying though, Komaru was pretty.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>All of her, Toko finally let herself believe.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The freckles on her neck and her chest, the mole on her shoulder, her adorable stomach, it was all cute and attractive. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>There were still nagging thoughts in her mind, telling her to feel guilty, but for now she felt like she was okay.</span>
</p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>
      <span>&gt; From Komaru Naegi</span>
    </em>
    <em>
      <span><br/>
</span>
    </em>
    <em>
      <span>Toko are you okay? I’ve never seen you spell a word wrong, did you have a heart attack? Please answer me. I'm worried.</span>
    </em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>
  <span>Toko giggled at Komaru’s response.</span>
</p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>
      <span>&gt; To Komaru Naegi</span>
    </em>
    <em>
      <span><br/>
</span>
    </em>
    <em>
      <span>I’m fine, just gay. You’re cute as hell, and it caught me off guard.</span>
    </em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>
  <span>Never before had Toko so badly wanted to hold someone than this moment.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>- - - - -</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The first </span>
  <em>
    <span>Hope’s Peak Academy: Pride Club </span>
  </em>
  <span>meeting was officially beginning in thirty minutes. After their discussion, Tsumugi and Kaede tracked down a teacher willing to host the club, Ms. Chisa Yukizome. Komaru was nervous, to say the least. She knew very little about events like these, or even if she wanted to be at one right now, but in an effort to support her friends she came. It was just the three in the room now, but Kaede and Tsumugi anticipated more would come in once it actually started. Komaru tried not to think about it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Isn’t this exciting?” Tsumugi chirped, “This is going to be so great!” Komaru wished her excitement were contagious. The knot in her stomach would not go away, no matter how much she tried to calm herself down. She just continued to pin up the rainbow decorations in an attempt to take her mind off her anxiety.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She could hear Kaede and Tsumugi having a conversation, but she wasn’t paying attention to what it was about. All she could think about was the rainbow decorations. That’s it, the rainbows, representing pride, representing gay rights, representing that she was gay, that her class was going to find out, that she—</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Fell off her chair.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Komaru hit the floor with a thud, letting out a loud, “Ow! Fuck!” in response. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Komaru! Are you okay? What happened?” Kaede and Tsumugi rushed over to help her back to her feet. Thankfully, she wasn’t having a panic attack, so she stayed standing fairly well until she hit the floor again and realized she was having a panic attack.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“N-no, no.” She had to force her lips to move as her heart raced. She felt exhausted and scared and all sorts of emotions she absolutely did not want to feel right now.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Tsumugi! Get some water, please!” Komaru saw a blue-looking figure run off through her foggy vision. “Hey, Komaru, look at me. Breathe, okay? With me, in… and out…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She followed Kaede’s instructions, and eventually she went back to normal...ish. Tsumugi came back with a bottle of water just as she was getting herself off the floor.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you okay?” Tsumugi asked her, handing off the bottle of water. Komaru cracked it open and drank half the bottle in one breath.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I just… panic attack,” Komaru sputtered, catching her breath. “I’ll be fine, I just… no.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She needed to be honest with herself: she couldn’t be here. It didn’t matter how many people showed up, she wasn’t ready. She knew that news of a Pride Club at Japan’s most famous learning institution would hit the presses quickly, and the names of the students present would be everywhere in an instant.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her friends from St. Koa would know before she could tell them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t think I can be here for this,” Komaru mumbled. Kaede and Tsumugi didn’t look surprised, rather their expressions were of concern and understanding. “I’m not ready for more people to know yet.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We understand,” Kaede said. Tsumugi looked as though she was going to say something, but refrained. “Look, it’s about to start. I’ll text you later and let you know how it went, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Komaru nodded. “Thank you, so much.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Komaru wrapped her arms around the two girls, thankful for the friends she’d made here. She knew the club wasn’t a bad idea, but what scared her was of Takamaki, Niijima, and her other friends finding out about it through a headline rather than from her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As she made her way out of the classroom, she pulled out her phone and sent off a text.</span>
</p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>
      <span>&gt; To Takamaki Ann, Niijima Makoto, Saitou Chieko</span>
    </em>
    <em>
      <span><br/>
</span>
    </em>
    <em>
      <span>Hey! It’s been a while. Wanna meet up today? Sorry I’ve been distant, school’s been pretty hectic. I’d love to grab some hot chocolate and reconnect! What do you say? The usual spot!</span>
    </em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>
  <span>She pressed her phone to her chest as she continued down the hall, feeling just a bit more hopeful.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>——</span>
</p><p> </p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>
      <span>&gt; From Kaede Akamatsu</span>
    </em>
    <em>
      <span><br/>
</span>
    </em>
    <em>
      <span>Toko showed up to the pride club. She seemed a little sad you weren’t there, but when I told her what happened she seemed to understand. Also, most of the third years came. I think it would be good for you, but I understand if you don’t want to come.</span>
    </em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>
      <span>I’d love to tell you more, but it was a pretty small crowd, and everyone made a promise that we wouldn’t disclose anyone’s presence. I think I’m allowed to tell you Toko was there, though.</span>
    </em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>
      <span>Hopefully I’ll see you! It was a really good time. </span>
    </em>
  </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>
    <em>
      <span>&gt; From Toko Fukawa</span>
    </em>
    <em>
      <span><br/>
</span>
    </em>
    <em>
      <span>I love you, by the way. Akamatsu-san told me about what happened, and I thought I should let you know. If you want a hug, I can be there ASAP.</span>
    </em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>
      <span>&gt; From Saitou Chieko</span>
    </em>
    <em>
      <span><br/>
</span>
    </em>
    <em>
      <span>We’ll be there!</span>
    </em>
  </p>
</blockquote>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>this chapter had exactly 30 seconds of editing from not even my beta reader. i just got impatient so i posted it lol (sorry cap)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Radio</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>“Starting to believe that maybe this will be the death of me // What a lovely way to die.”</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>TW: Graphic depictions of violence, use of homophobic slurs.<br/>:)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Toko sat in the corner of the room on her laptop, waiting for Komaru to show up. She’d seen the posters for the <em> Hope’s Peak Academy Pride Club </em> and thought it was worth checking out. Maybe she could learn more about herself, her issues, and maybe hear more about Komaru and see her with her friends.</p><p>Unfortunately, Komaru wouldn’t be there. </p><p>“Hey, you’re Toko, right?” A soft voice inquired. Toko looked up to see a blonde girl in a pink uniform smiling at her. “Komaru’s… <em> pal </em>?” The way she intonated ‘pal’ worried Toko just a little bit, but she realized this must be the girl’s way of saying ‘girlfriend’ without explicitly saying ‘girlfriend’.</p><p>“I’m… I guess,” she muttered, “why do you ask?” Before she could protest, the girl took a seat next to her with a light thump. </p><p>“She’s… not coming. While we were setting up, she had a panic attack and told us she couldn’t be here, sorry,” the girl explained. “By the way, my name is Kaede Akamatsu. I don’t know if Komaru has mentioned m—”</p><p>“She’s mentioned you a few times, actually. She thinks you’re sweet,” Toko interjected. Kaede responded with a heartwarmed smile. “She says you played the song she painted for me, right?” </p><p>Kaede nodded enthusiastically. “I did! It wasn’t really a song, just some improvising, but I’m glad you liked her painting!” Kaede was very upbeat, as opposed to Toko’s downtrodden demeanor. </p><p>Maybe it would be good to make some new friends.</p><p>“So, y-you play p-p-piano, right? Wh-what kinds of s-songs?” She began to stutter as the conversation strayed from the familiar Komaru, her nerves with new people readying the defense. </p><p>“Well, it’s mostly classical. I don’t play a lot of contemporary, but I have been branching out into jazz! Oh! I also got a chance to have a jam session with Maizono-chan, which was really fun! She’s a really talented singer, even outside of her pop roots.” Kaede smiled, and Toko caught the sight of someone waving out of the corner of her eye. She turned to see the aforementioned Sayaka Maizono, likely hearing her name. </p><p>“I’m s-surprised to s-s-see her here, I th-thought, y’know, since sh-she’s an idol and her songs are m-mostly about g-g-guys…” Toko was carefully dancing around the words she was thinking: ‘<em> I thought Sayaka Maizono was straight as dry spaghetti. </em>’</p><p>“Actually, a lot of her songs were written about another member of her group. The <em> other </em>songs by her group are rather boy crazy, but she’s actually pretty gay,” Kaede exposited, waving back at the girl. “That’s what she told me, at least.”</p><p>The small classroom contained primarily people Toko knew. Makoto Naegi, Mikan Tsumiki, Chihiro Fujisaki, even Kyoko Kirigiri. Toko didn’t peg her as the type to come to these events. Still, it was nice to have people she knew here. It made her feel a little bit safer, knowing the people here were people she knew and felt safe with. Had she been here with complete strangers, it would have been much different. </p><p>“Hey, Kaede? Can I ask something?” Toko looked to the girl in pink, yet to move from where she was seated. </p><p>Kaede looked at Toko inquisitively. “What’s up?”</p><p>Toko took a deep breath to calm her nerves. “Have you ever felt… wrong?” Toko pressed her fingers together nervously as she spoke, her face and ears beginning to warm. “I just… sometimes I feel like, y’know, I can’t look at Komaru? I’m not allowed to appreciate her, right? Her face is really pretty and all, but sometimes it just feels… it feels like I’m not allowed to appreciate the rest of her, like her physique and stuff.” Toko looked to an intently listening Kaede. “Is that normal?”</p><p>Kaede pressed her finger to her chin to ponder. “I… haven’t felt that myself, sorry… Wish I could help more.” Kaede frowned, and Toko felt a new yet familiar sense of being lost.</p><p>“Hey, Toko, I didn’t think I’d see you hear,” a familiar sultry voice greeted. Kyoko took a seat next to Toko, sipping at a beverage in her hand. </p><p>“The same to you, Kyoko,” Toko spit out nervously. “I d-didn’t think these were your thing.”</p><p>Kyoko smiled. “Well, Mukuro wanted to come, actually, so I joined her. I thought it might be a good time, and so far it’s…” She glanced over at a purple haired boy causing a small ruckus. “... <em> interesting. </em>”</p><p>“Oh, hey, Kyoko?” Toko chirped, grabbing the girl’s attention. “How long have you known you were… you know.” Toko waved her hands as if that was supposed to mean anything at all and not just be a symbol of ‘I don’t know how words work’.</p><p>“A lesbian? Well… I think I found out after Sayaka asked me out for the first time.” Toko could hear Kaede gasp in response. “After that, well… I spiraled, since my family was rather old fashioned, and I didn’t want to disappoint them, and that led to some… issues, but I’m coping. I’ve been talking with Gekkogahara-san, and she’s helping me unpack that.” Kyoko smiled as if she had not just finished relaying a small portion of her trauma, especially after spending the better part of the last two years being as secretive as possible about her life.</p><p>“I see,” Toko mumbled, unable to think of anything actually appropriate to say. </p><p>“Why do you ask?” Kyoko was looking at Toko, as if inspecting her. </p><p>“I-I-I was just going to ask if you, perhaps, have ever… well…” Toko relayed her prior spiel to Kyoko. </p><p>“Yeah, that sounds familiar. Mukuro was the same way, I’m pretty sure,” Kyoko answered with an upsetting level of nonchalance that made Toko feel as though her problems were easy to solve.</p><p>“O-oh, well, how did you, like, fix it?” Toko didn’t want to call it a problem, but it really was for her. Even now, she was still feeling super guilty for how she felt regarding the photo Komaru sent her the previous night. </p><p>“I suppose,” Kyoko started, trailing off to think. Toko had never realized it before, but when the light hit Kyoko’s hair just right, her hair seemed to have a lavender hue to it. It was really pretty. “I guess, you just grow, and eventually it goes away more and more. It’s never entirely gone, but it just becomes less and less as time continues. Does that help?”</p><p>Kyoko clearly wasn’t skilled with moral support, but Toko couldn’t fault her for trying. “Y-yeah, thanks.” </p><p>The gathering continued in relative nonsense, with nobody really knowing how pride clubs worked. It was mostly treated like a small party, which Toko was fine with. </p><p>She just wished she could be with Komaru. After hearing about why Komaru had to leave, she couldn’t take her mind off it. She shot off a text to her girlfriend, hoping desperately she was alright.</p><p><em> &gt; To Komaru Naegi </em> <em> <br/></em> <em> I love you, by the way. Akamatsu-san told me about what happened, and I thought I should let you know. If you want a hug, I can be there ASAP. </em></p><p>She clutched her phone to her chest, waiting for a response.</p><p> </p><p>- - - - -</p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p><em> &gt; To Toko Fukawa </em> <em> <br/></em> <em> I should be fine, I’m actually on my way to meet with some old school friends to tell them about me. I won’t mention you, promise.  </em></p>
  <p><em> &gt; From Toko Fukawa </em> <em> <br/></em> <em> Okay. I love you still, Maru. I’ll see you later, alright? </em></p>
  <p><em> &gt; To Toko Fukawa </em> <em> <br/></em> <em> You got it, babe! </em></p>
</blockquote><p>Komaru stared down at her phone, trying to distract her anxious brain from the meetup ahead of her. She’d nearly crashed into multiple telephone poles and people on her way to the coffee shop, and actually did crash into one, almost falling into traffic. Komaru hadn’t learned her lesson, though, and still stared at her phone until she’d made it to the coffee shop fifteen minutes ahead of schedule.</p><p>She sat in the booth, her leg bouncing up and down rapidly. She tapped her fingers on the table rhythmically, bit her lip, twitched and ticked until a familiar face showed itself.</p><p>“Would you like some water?” Komaru looked up to see a boy with brown hair looking down at her, a concerned look in his eyes. His name tag said ‘Hinata’.</p><p>“Y-yes please.” Her leg continued to bounce, even after the rest of her nervous twitches stopped. </p><p>Hinata waved to the counter before sitting across from the girl. “What’s on your mind?” His voice was so kind and concerned that Komaru didn’t even think twice before answering, talking about Toko, about her friends, and just about how stressful coming out was. He simply smiled after she had finished, and with what had to be scripted timing, her water was placed in front of her. </p><p>She nearly drank the whole glass in one gulp.</p><p>“I understand what that’s like, trust me. Coming out is… well, not easy. It’s certainly one hell of an emotional ordeal, but I believe in you. If things don’t go well, give me the word and I’ll have my manager escort your friends out. Does that sound good?” Komaru nodded. “Glad to hear it.” He smiled, gave Komaru a pat on the shoulder, and walked away. Komaru let out a sigh.</p><p>“Who was that? Your new boyfriend?” Komaru jumped in surprise as Saitou, Takamaki, and Niijima appeared out of thin air. </p><p>“He’s cute,” Takamaki commented, followed by a giggle from the three as they sat down. Komaru was stuffed in the corner of the booth, feeling claustrophobic on top of her anxiety regarding… everything.</p><p>“N-no, just a barista. He’s a friend of a friend, I guess,” Komaru answered meekly, sipping from her water. </p><p>“Well, I think you should hit him up,” Saitou sneered from across the table. “Maybe you can finally get a boyfriend!” The three girls chuckled, but Komaru stared nervously down at her knees.</p><p>“Y-yeah, about that…” She began to second guess herself. “I have something to tell you guys.” She realized she might not want to do this, but her body continued to move on its own. “I’m… I’m a lesbian.”</p><p>“Y-you… what?” Saitou was the first to speak. Takamaki and Niijima were silent, jaws open in awe. </p><p>“Komaru! I’m so proud of you!” Takamaki finally said from her right, pulling her into a hug. Niijima smiled across the table at her, but Saitou looked far less amused. “Thank you for telling us, I can’t imagine what that’s—”</p><p>“Seriously?” Saitou growled. She looked angry, baring her teeth like a wolf. “You’re… you’re <em> proud? </em>” Saitou glared at Takamaki.</p><p>“Y-yeah, sh-she’s told us s-something very special t-t-to her, right?” Takamaki whined as she sank in her seat. Niijima also began to look unimpressed.</p><p>“Special?! You call being a filthy <em> dyke </em>special?!” Saitou was beginning to yell. Komaru felt her eyes begin to water and her throat begin to close.</p><p>“Saitou-chan, please—” Komaru started, her voice hardly a whimper. </p><p>“No!” Saitou stood up and glared down at Komaru, making her feel small and insignificant, like prey. “You think I’m going to listen to some <em> faggot? </em>”</p><p>The words felt like daggers in her soul. Saitou Chieko had been a friend since childhood, never straying from her side for a moment. Why was she doing this now? </p><p>Komaru tried to push her way out of the booth, but Takamaki was practically limp. “Why are you being so mean?” Komaru pleaded. She looked to Niijima for help, a kind look, <em> anything </em>. “Say something! Please, Niijima-chan!” </p><p>Niijima remained silent, closing her eyes in an attempt to shut out the events unfolding before her. The cafe was almost full, and people were starting to take notice of what was going on. “They can’t. They’re too disgusted by you, <em> Omaru, </em>” Saitou bit. </p><p>Komaru couldn’t even look at her. She was filled with only one thought, and that was that she needed to leave <em> now. </em> She climbed over the booth, nearly stepping on the people in the next booth, before falling to the floor. Pain seared through her shoulder, her arm, and her neck as she landed, but she got back up and scrambled as fast as she could for the door. She could hear Saitou screaming after her, even after she’d made it out of the building. </p><p>As she was running, she turned to see Saitou chasing her. Something shone in her hand, but Komaru didn’t even want to consider what it might be. She just kept running, pushing past people and almost getting hit by cars in the middle of crosswalks. Her lungs and heart burned as she ran, but she kept going until she was at the gates to the school.</p><p>It was past 7pm. They’d been locked, and the security guard was on his break. </p><p>“Fuck!” Komaru shouted. She immediately threw her bag over the gate, but before she could climb up over it she was pinned to the metal bars.</p><p>“Finally got you, Omaru,” Saitou growled. Her lips were twisted into a horrifying smile, her eyes filled with a frenzy Komaru had only seen in horror movies. “You thought you could run away, huh?” Komaru felt Saitou’s spit hit her face as she yelled. </p><p>“Please, stop!” Komaru screamed with all her might. Saitou raised her hand, the shining object revealing itself to be a knife from the cafe. “Why are you doing this?”</p><p>“Because,” Saitou huffed, “You <em> faggots </em>need to learn your place.” Saitou pressed the knife to Komaru’s cheek, not enough to draw blood but definitely enough to invoke terror in the girl. Takamaki and Niijima weren’t around to stop her, the security was gone, she was completely alone. Her heart raced a mile a minute, tears seared her cheeks, and her throat ached. </p><p>Fear. A fear she had only now come to know, and a fear she would have to fight with for the rest of her life.</p><p>“Maybe I’ll carve it into your face,” Saitou spat, pressing the knife harder. “A nice little sign so everyone knows you’re a filthy little <em> dyke </em>!” </p><p>“No! Please, Saitou!” Komaru screamed. She felt the knife cut her as she spoke, her cheek stinging as hot blood ran down her chin. Saitou’s eyes were filled with malice, something wretched and vile that had been simmering for a long time. Komaru’s eyes shut tight in fear as Saitou pulled the knife away and pressed the tip to Komaru’s forehead.</p><p>“I said, you faggots need to learn your p—” In an instant, Saitou was silent. The feeling of the blade on her forehead, the arm on her throat, all gone. In fact, when Komaru opened her eyes, she was on the ground, the knife well out of her reach.</p><p>She turned her head and saw Toko, Kyoko, and Kaede. Toko was heaving as Kyoko and Kaede ran up behind her. Toko stomped over to Saitou, pressing her boot against the girl’s abdomen as Kaede and Kyoko supported Komaru’s weight. </p><p>“If anyone needs to learn their place, it’s you,” Toko growled. “You think you can lay a hand on my girlfriend? Well think again, bitch!” Toko kicked Saitou as hard as she could, causing Saitou to let out a piercing shriek.</p><p>“Toko! Stop!” Kaede shouted. Komaru couldn’t care less what happened to Saitou, but her throat was in too much agony to say anything. Toko turned around to look at the three girls.</p><p>“You could be arrested, Toko. It’s best to let security get here and deal with it. I’ve summoned them already, in fact,” Kyoko spoke calmly, but Komaru could tell she was viscerally angry and wanted to kick Saitou into the dirt as much as Toko.</p><p>“Ugh. Fine.” Toko lifted her boot from the girl’s chest with a huff as security arrived on the scene, picking up the screaming girl and taking her into the school. The four girls stood by silently until Saitou’s shrieking became inaudible. </p><p>The instant Saitou went silent, Toko sprinted over to Komaru and hugged her tightly. “I heard you scream while we walked to the dorms, so we ran over to check, and I saw you pressed up against the gate! I’m so sorry I couldn’t be there sooner, Komaru. I’m so—”</p><p>Toko was cut off by Komaru’s kiss, visceral and desperate and tasting of blood and tears. Komaru felt her heart slow down finally in Toko’s embrace, a wave of calm washing over her for the brief moment their faces met. “It’s okay, Toko. I’m fine, see?” Komaru smiled in an attempt to reassure Toko— who was now crying.</p><p>Toko pulled Komaru back into a hug, her tight embrace nearly suffocating Komaru, but Komaru didn’t mind. She needed it. The two girls bawled into each other’s shoulders, Komaru more than Toko, before the security came back.</p><p>Even after they were finished being questioned, Komaru wouldn’t let go of Toko. While they were being questioned, she held onto Toko’s hand, but the moment the officers were gone she was wrapped around the girl again. </p><p>Soon, it was 9pm. The two had to separate and return to their dorms with one final hug, less bloody than before now that Komaru had been bandaged up.</p><p>“How are you feeling?” Kaede asked. </p><p>“... scared, honestly,” Komaru answered. “I don’t… I don’t want to be alone tonight.” Komaru began to cry again, but she felt Kaede’s hand on her shoulder.</p><p>“Do you want me to cover for you? You can go to Toko’s dorm, and I’ll tell the teacher there that you went back to your parents’ house or something,” Kaede offered with a smile. Komaru pulled her into a hug.</p><p>“Thank you, Kaede,” she mumbled.</p><p>“Anything for a friend, right?” Kaede responded.</p><p>Komaru ran over to catch up with Toko, grabbing her hand. Kyoko told her that she might want to go through Toko’s window instead, since the teachers are starting to catch on that people aren’t sleeping in their dorms like they’re supposed to be. Komaru hesitantly walked around the building to Toko’s dormitory, waiting by the window until it opened. She climbed in, stumbling onto the floor.</p><p>“You okay?” Toko asked her, reaching down to help her up.</p><p>Komaru grabbed Toko’s hand and pulled herself up. “Not at all, but… I’m better when I’m with you.”</p><p>The two changed into sleepwear and crawled into Toko’s bed. They didn’t say much, Toko simply stroked Komaru’s hair gently. Really, what was there to be said?</p><p>“I love you, Toko.”</p><p>“I love you too, Komaru.”</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. One Big Beautiful Sound</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>“For our final number, a song of love. To all those listening in: Stay warm and good night.”</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Toko pretended not to notice that Komaru woke up crying. She desperately wanted to say something, but she knew Komaru needed to cry. The previous night had been nothing short of a nightmare, so Toko let her girlfriend cry into her chest until she could ‘wake up’. </p><p>Toko didn’t ask what happened last night either. She had a guess anyways, based on what Kyoko and Kaede had said to her; she was coming out to her old school friends. Toko’s chest ached at the thought of Komaru, pouring herself out to these people she trusted, and getting her life threatened for it. She desperately wanted to do something, mostly caving their skulls in, but she knew if she did, there’d be more trouble for Komaru.</p><p>Not mentioning the previous night made the following morning stiff. After the two got up, Komaru went into the shower without a word. Toko could hear her sobbing through the sound of running water, and she couldn’t help but cry herself. </p><p>Fear. That’s what this was, the sensation of dread towards imminent pain and tragedy. Toko was well aware of this feeling thanks to her anxiety, her depression, just being alive in general. She’d felt this fear many many times in her life, but this time it was different. Her soul, her heart, and her lungs ached in a new way, a way she hadn’t felt since grade school.</p><p>The fear of loss.</p><p>Toko heard the door of the bathroom click open and she rushed over to hug Komaru. It was tight, desperate, afraid that if she let go, she’d never have Komaru back. Komaru reciprocated the hug the exact same way. They stood in the room for a while, holding each other tightly. Toko wasn’t sure if the damp feeling in the crook of her neck was Komaru’s hair or her tears, but it didn’t matter much anyway. </p><p>Toko’s phone chimed across the room. She ignored it the first time, but it chimed again and again to the point that she started to become scared. </p><p>“I should probably check that,” she mumbled, but Komaru didn’t let go.</p><p>“Please don’t let go,” Komaru mumbled into her ear.</p><p>Toko pat her back. “How about we watch some movies, okay? I’ll make some popcorn and hot chocolate, and you just relax. Does that sound good? We don’t have to go to class, we can just stay here.” She tried to smile, but it felt like a lie. She knew how afraid Komaru must have felt, and that only hurt her more. Still, she felt Komaru nod, so she slowly released herself from Komaru’s arms and sat the girl down on the couch.</p><p>“What movie?” Komaru asked. Her voice was weak and trembling, and Toko almost missed it under the sound of the kettle next to her.</p><p>“You pick, okay? We can watch whatever you want,” Toko said softly, turning to see Komaru. The girl was still crying, a snivelling mess, and Toko felt her heart shatter at the sight. Still, she needed to be strong for Komaru, so she continued with a smile, “I’ll go grab my laptop, okay? Then we can find whatever you want. Is that okay?” </p><p>Komaru nodded. She quickly grabbed her laptop and set it up so it would display on her small TV. The kettle clicked just as she finished. “I’m going to go finish up the hot chocolate, you go ahead and pick out the movie,” she said as she wandered over to prepare the hot chocolate. Toko felt guilty for practically babying Komaru, but she didn’t know what else to do. Komaru was a wreck right now, so she needed to do everything she could to be strong while Komaru couldn’t. </p><p>She finished up the hot chocolate and brought it over to the couch, putting both mugs on the coffee table before sitting herself next to Komaru. “You ready?”</p><p>Komaru smiled weakly. “Mhm,” she mumbled. </p><p> </p><p>- - - - -</p><p> </p><p>A week passed. Komaru stayed in Toko’s dorm for almost two whole days, but the teachers eventually found out and moved her back to her dorm. Komaru cooperated, despite how much she didn’t want to, she knew she needed to face the music eventually.</p><p>Her notebooks went largely untouched after what happened. All she could think about was the feeling of her heart being crushed under the weight of Saitou’s cruelty. The first drawing she did was just of herself being stabbed through the heart, so she ripped out the page and decided she wouldn’t be drawing for a while.</p><p>Having Toko helped a lot, but Kaede and Tsumugi helped her for the times Toko couldn’t be there. She began going to classes again, but she needed to take breaks sometimes when her anxiety got the better of her. Kaede and Tsumugi helped calm her down most of those times, and for the times they didn’t, it was Mikan Tsumiki after she had a full blown panic attack, or Kyoko Kirigiri when she ran out of the class.</p><p>Rantaro’s hugs were far more comfortable than they had any right to be. Kokichi stopped being his mischievous self for a little bit while she coped, and all around, everyone in her class was really supportive. Kaede hadn’t told anyone what happened, but word spread quickly enough that people figured it out without needing to be told. She wished it could have stayed secret, but a part of her was glad it didn’t, because one wisecrack from Kokichi or Miu would have sent her off the deep end and she might not have recovered.</p><p>“How are you feeling?” Miaya Gekkogahara asked. Mikan recommended her to Komaru, saying she might be able to help with what Komaru’s going through.</p><p>“I’m… still scared, but it’s getting better,” Komaru answered. She admitted, it was strange to be answering the questions of a rabbit avatar instead of a human person, but she heard that Miaya was incredibly shy, so it didn’t phase her as much. </p><p>“What in particular do you think is helping?” The rabbit’s voice said. Komaru pondered for a moment, thinking about the week she’d had. </p><p>“Well, Toko helped a lot, but I don’t think I could have made it this far without the rest of my class,” she answered. “Kaede and Tsumugi helped me a lot of times when I just needed a break, and having Tetsuya talk about some of his experiences with me helped me realize that I’m not alone.” Komaru, for the first time in the past week, showed a genuine smile. </p><p>“Would you describe yourself as okay?” Miaya asked. </p><p>Komaru chuckled grimly. “No, absolutely not, but… I’m not alone, and… I know I have my friends, and my g-g-girlfriend with me if I need them.” She felt her cheeks warm up at the thought of Toko. Everything Toko had done for her the past week was more than she would have ever asked for, and she wouldn’t have made it this far without her. Toko sneaking into Komaru’s dorm after Komaru had a nightmare, the two of them staying up way too late talking on the phone after the teachers upped dorm security, hearing Toko’s ‘I love you’s every time the conversation went quiet, all of it made her feel safe again. “Especially T-Toko,” she added.</p><p>“I’m glad to hear that, Naegi-chan,” Miaya said. “Recovery from trauma isn’t easy, but it is much easier when you have help. It brings me a lot of joy to know you have a good support group, and…” The rabbit stopped speaking as Miaya pulled her scarf down. She had a scar through her mouth, definitely an old wound, but still devastating.</p><p>“If I could do it, so can you,” Miaya said with a smile. Miaya’s cheeks began to flush as Komaru looked in awe at her. “Stop looking like that, don’t you have a girlfriend?” She stammered.</p><p>“I can still appreciate someone cute,” Komaru chirped. She giggled, something else she hadn’t done in what felt like forever. Her heart felt lighter, her lungs felt fuller, and the weight that had previously dominated her chest felt as though it was finally being lifted.</p><p>She felt free again.</p><p>Not completely, though. Shackles still enveloped her wrists and her throat, and she still had a long way to go, but she knew now she didn’t have to do it alone. She had Kaede, Tsumugi, Rantaro, Tenko, Himiko, Miaya, and especially Toko.</p><p>Especially Toko.</p><p> </p><p>- - - - -</p><p> </p><p>“WHAT?!” Komaru shouted in surprise. “Sayaka Maizono was there? Are you kidding me? Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”</p><p>Toko laughed. “Well, a lot of things happened! How did you not know she went to this school?” Toko replied. Komaru glared at her in mock offense. “Come on, don’t be mad at me!” </p><p>“If I had known Sayaka Maizono was going to be at the Pride Club, I would have gone! I’m like, her <em> biggest </em>fan!” Komaru beamed off into space, likely imagining meeting Sayaka. Toko laughed harder.</p><p>“Komaru, babe, if you had gone simply to meet Sayaka, that would have been terrible. She may be an idol, but she’s a person too.” Toko hoped that maybe logic would help Komaru’s feelings of rejection and betrayal, but the girl glared at her even harder.</p><p>“Are you <em> kidding? </em> Sayaka Maizono is the reason I’m gay! If it weren’t for her, I wouldn’t have ever found out I liked girls! Then you wouldn’t have your cute as hell girlfriend, and how would that make you feel?” Komaru put on a coy and cocky smile. </p><p>“Well…” Toko started. She felt her cheeks warming up. “I’d probably still be obsessed with Byakuya, so… but that doesn’t mean I’m going to introduce you!” Toko wagged a finger at Komaru, feeling like her grade school teachers more and more each minute. Komaru pouted at her. </p><p>“But Tokooooo, I’m a victim of a hate crime!” Komaru whined. Toko felt a familiar pressure in her chest return, and she stopped smiling. “Toko?” </p><p>“Please don’t joke about that, Komaru. Not yet, it’s… too soon,” Toko answered. </p><p>Komaru pulled Toko into a hug. “I’m sorry, I didn’t realize. I won’t do it again, okay?” Komaru smiled at her girlfriend, and Toko could feel her heart beginning to soar in response.</p><p>“Thank you,” Toko said with a grin.</p><p>“You should still introduce me to Sayaka,” Komaru said. Toko stood up and began to leave the common room. “Please! I’ll do anything!” She shouted, grabbing Toko’s sleeve.</p><p>Toko had a terrible idea. “Anything?” Toko muttered with a malicious grin. Komaru’s face turned to sheer horror, and Toko couldn’t contain herself from laughing. </p><p>“Toko! Don’t be creepy!” Komaru whacked the girl with a pillow, which Toko knew she rightfully deserved, but she couldn’t stop laughing.</p><p>“Sorry, sorry, I couldn’t resist!” She said between breaths, trying not to suffocate on her own laughter. Komaru scowled at her. “Can I kiss you to make it up to you?” Toko asked, and in an instant Komaru turned a bright pink.</p><p>Komaru nodded shyly, and Toko leaned in. It wasn’t anything special, but the butterflies in Toko’s lungs still fluttered as they touched. It didn’t matter if it was the first time or the hundred and first time, Toko would always feel an intense rush anytime she and Komaru kissed. It was nothing but euphoria for her, and Komaru looked like she felt the same.</p><p>“Okay but you should still take me to meet Sayaka.”</p><p>“Ugh, fine! Let me text her.”</p><p>“You have her number?!”</p><p> </p><p>- - - - -</p><p> </p><p>It’s been more than a month since. Komaru would normally spend many of her free hours with Toko, but recently they’ve been spending time apart. Komaru has to keep reminding herself that Toko isn’t mad at her, (as Toko has stated many times over text, call, and in person,) she’s just working on something and needs to focus. It still sucked though.</p><p>Komaru laid in her bed and just gazed at the ceiling. She imagined stars and planets lighting her view, like in <em> Yagate Kimi ni Naru </em>, and she wished Toko could be there to see it.</p><p>She took to her desk and began to draw. The soft orange light from her desk lamp luminated the page, reminding her of some of her English Literature assignments back at St. Koa. Before she could get too side-tracked, her pencil lifted from the page and her sketch was complete. Toko and Komaru stargazing. Not her proudest work, but she still snapped a photograph and sent it off to Toko.</p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p><em> &gt; From Toko Fukawa </em> <em> <br/></em> <em> I’m a little concerned that you send me that of all things. </em></p>
  <p><em> &gt; To Toko Fukawa </em> <em> <br/></em> <em> Why? </em></p>
  <p><em> &gt; From Toko Fukawa </em> <em> <br/></em> <em> [Image Attached] </em></p>
</blockquote><p>Toko sent along an image showing what appeared to be the top of a text document. It was fuzzy; Toko’s hands must have been shaking as she took the photo. Still, she could read out the title:</p><p>
  <em> “Sounds of Starlight” </em>
</p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p><em> &gt; To Toko Fukawa </em> <em> <br/></em> <em> What’s that? </em></p>
  <p><em> &gt; From Toko Fukawa </em> <em> <br/></em> <em> Hold on one sec </em></p>
</blockquote><p>A moment after she received the message, her phone rang. She answered it immediately.</p><p>“Hey, Toko!” she chimed into the receiver. </p><p>“Hey, babe!” Toko’s voice chimed back. It was a little crackled due to the phone compression, but Komaru was still overjoyed all the same to hear her girlfriend’s voice. “So listen, I can’t tell you too much about it for legal reasons, but I’m working on something.”</p><p>Komaru groaned. “You’ve told me, why can’t you tell me more?” she whined, pouting as though Toko would be able to see.</p><p>Toko giggled on the other end, making Komaru scowl. “As I said, for <em> legal </em>reasons.”</p><p><em> Legal reasons? Why would there be legal reasons involved? </em>Komaru pondered before realizing. “You’re writing something, aren’t you?!” She exclaimed, possibly deafening the girl on the other end of the line.</p><p>“Yes, I am. That’s all I can tell you though, I’ve already sent off the draft and I’m in a contract that means I can’t tell you anymore.” Komaru could hear the frown in her girlfriend’s voice. It sounded like repressed excitement.</p><p>“I bet you want to talk about it badly, huh?” </p><p>“So badly!! I’ve never had someone to talk about my writing with, and now I finally do and I can’t talk to her about it?! Ughhhh, this sucks.” Komaru could feel her frustration emanating through the smartphone.</p><p>She checked the time. It was only 9:12, and curfew was at 10. “Hey, listen, it’s been a bit since we’ve seen each other. Why don’t you come over before curfew and we can talk about… well, not the book, of course.”</p><p>“I’llberightthere!” Toko spouted quickly before hanging up. Komaru giggled to herself, and in a moment that was far too quick, a knock rang through her door. Komaru got up and wandered over, opening to let Toko in. “I’m here,” she panted.</p><p>“How? It’s only been thirty seconds!” Komaru ushered the exhausted girl into her dormitory.</p><p>“I ran as fast as I could.” Toko continued to pant for breath. Komaru shook her head disappointedly, closing the door. </p><p>The instant the door clicked shut, she was pressed up against it by Toko. The two kissed, Toko greedily and Komaru the same. “I missed you,” Toko mumbled as she pulled apart for air.</p><p>“I missed you too,” Komaru mumbled before pulling Toko back into her embrace.</p><p> </p><p>- - - - -</p><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p><em> &gt; To Saitou Chieko </em> <em> <br/></em> <em> It’s been six weeks since we met up. I would normally ask how you are, but I feel like I can guess. Takamaki-chan and Niijima-chan haven’t contacted me since then either, and I’m worried about them. Can you tell them I say hi? That would mean a lot to me. </em></p>
  <p>
    <em> I’m going to be honest. I feel sorry for you. I’ve had some time to think about what happened, and I’ve come to the conclusion that someone has told you, all your life, that loving girls is gross. But guess what? It’s not! It’s perfectly natural. I don’t want to sound like everyone else, but it’s totally normal. </em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em> I remember the teachers at St. Koa, you know. I remember them looking down on Sakamoto-kun and Kurusu-san when the two of them became a thing. I remember what you said about them too. It sucked, but what sucks more is how the adults look at them. They’re happy, why do they have a problem with that? </em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em> I also remember what your parents said. It was one of the scariest moments of my life, having these two people talk that way about my classmates, but most of all, I remember how you looked. You were terrified, just like me, weren’t you? </em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em> I want you to know that I don’t forgive you. I don’t think I ever will, but if you ever come to the conclusion that you like girls like me, I will accept you. I’m the happiest I’ve ever been with Toko, and if there’s something wrong with being happy then sue me. But please, above anything, don’t be afraid to be yourself. </em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em> You don’t have to respond. I don’t want to have anything to do with you, to be honest, but I wanted you to know that I still remember how you looked at Niijima-san. I know, deep down, you hate yourself for it. I just want you to know that it’s okay. You’re allowed to be happy. </em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em> From Komaru. I’m sorry you felt you had to do what you did. </em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em> PS: Toko’s book, “Sounds of Starlight” just came out. It’s really good, you should read it. </em>
  </p>
</blockquote>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you all so much for reading this! I'm going on a hiatus from writing for a bit (though if I do write, my hiatus is going to be from writing Danganronpa), so don't expect anything for a while. I have other things in the works, but the fuel tank of writing is empty so I need to take some time to refill.</p><p>Major major thanks to Captain Crash, my editor. She didn't edit some of the chapters (I'm sure you can tell which ones) because she's been busy and I wanted to keep to my schedule, but for the 8/12 she did edit, massive thanks.</p><p>Additional thanks to Annie, Axi, and Tal for listening to me rant about my dumb ideas nonstop.</p><p>And thank you, again, for reading. Without having people read this, I wouldn't have motivation to write. Hopefully I made someone happy. Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, stay warm, and good night.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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